In this forty-fourth installment of the ongoing live series with Wendy Nash, we continue our inquiry into meditation practice both on and off the cushion this time with Spiritual Friendship or Kalyāṇa-mitta basically meaning “friend of moral beauty” or a “companion on the path of goodness.” What qualifies as this? What is our lived experience with this? Why is this important? How does this relate to meditation? This and more, live, so please join and share
Related suttas:
The 7 Qualities of a Good Friend (AN 7.36)
According to the Mitta Sutta, a friend worth associating with is someone who:
- Gives what is hard to give (generosity of time, energy, or resources).
- Does what is hard to do (helps you out even when it’s highly inconvenient).
- Endures what is hard to endure (bears with your bad moods, flaws, or difficult moments).
- Reveals their secrets to you (they trust you with their vulnerability).
- Keeps your secrets (your private struggles are entirely safe with them).
- Doesn’t abandon you in times of trouble (they stick around when life gets messy).
- Doesn’t look down on you when you’re down and out (they don’t judge or scorn you when you fail or lose your status).
The “Warm-Hearted Friend” in the Sigalovada Sutta (DN 31)
“Householder’s son, you should recognize these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend in good times and bad, the counselor, and the one who’s sympathetic.
You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s a helper on four grounds. They guard you when you’re negligent. They guard your property when you’re negligent. They keep you safe in times of danger. When something needs doing, they provide you with twice the money you need. You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s a helper on these four grounds.
You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s the same in good times and bad on four grounds. They tell you secrets. They keep your secrets. They don’t abandon you in times of trouble. They’d even give their life for your welfare. You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s the same in good times and bad on these four grounds.
You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s a counselor on four grounds. They keep you from doing bad. They support you in doing good. They teach you what you do not know. They explain the path to heaven. You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s a counselor on these four grounds.
You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s sympathetic on four grounds. They don’t delight in your misfortune. They delight in your good fortune. They keep others from criticizing you. They encourage praise of you. You can recognize a good-hearted friend who’s sympathetic on these four grounds.”
The Buddha spoke this matter. Then the Holy One, the Teacher, went on to say:
“A friend who’s a helper, one the same in both pleasure and pain, a friend of good counsel, and one of sympathy;
an astute person understands these four friends for what they are and carefully looks after them, like a mother the child at her breast.
The astute and virtuous shine like a burning flame. They pick up riches as bees roaming round pick up pollen.
And their riches proceed to grow, like a termite mound piling up. In gathering wealth like this, a householder does enough for their family.
And they’d hold on to friends by dividing their wealth in four. One portion is to enjoy. Two parts invest in work. And the fourth should be kept for times of trouble.”
Past posts relating to Spiritual Friendship:
*There’s naturally an ongoing open call for meditation (related) questions for the (roughly) monthly “Meditation Q & A” either by the various social media means listed; integratingpresence[at]protonmail.com or just showing to type/ask live.*
Background
Regular, current and past visitors to Integrating Presence may recall the monthly series “Ask Us Anything” I did with Denny K Miu from August 2020 until January 2022 — partially including and continuing on with Lydia Grace as co-host for awhile until March 2022.
For a few months thereafter I did various Insight Timer live events exploring potential new directions and/or a continuation of the Ask Us Anything format while weaving in other related teachings to these events.
Then, after chats with meditation coach Wendy Nash, it became clear to start a new collaboration similar to “Ask Us Anything” simply and clearly called “Meditation Q & A” especially due to the original intent of the Ask Us Anything’s being “discussions about meditation and related topics.”
Audio: Non-harm | “Meditation Q & A With Wendy Nash” #43
Past chats with Wendy:
Unedited transcript via YouTube:
Full Raw Verbatim Transcript (with timestamps removed via ai):
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