Ask For (A) Change

The description for this May 31 talk via Wisdom app and InsightTimer.com/live:

Let’s play with the puns in this title to continue exploring a format change for the monthly “Ask Us Anything”: 1) give and ask of each other advice; 2) needed changes individually & collectively; and 3) continuing the themes of speaking up & inquiring/investigating to spark curiosity & enthusiasm

Notes:

1) Giving and Asking Advice

• How do you give and ask advice?
• How often?
• Upsides, downsides?
• When to, and when not to ask for and give advice?

Giving Advice:

• How honest are you when giving advice?
• Do motives change depending on situation and person?
• What about unsolicited advice?
• Are we projecting our own wants and needs with our advice?
• Would I follow the same advice I’m giving?
• Intuitive advice?
• How do you know it could be helpful?
• What might be some overlooked key questions for the advice seeker that may help them discover the best views and choices?

Asking Advice:

• Asking just for confirmation, or how possible choices available will be perceived (that you may already have chosen but not acted on yet)
• Whom all do you ask?
• How do you ask?
• Holding back asking someone you want to?
• Headstrong, stubborn and rarely seek advice? Why?
• Ever flipped the script, testing someone by actually asking as something you think the advice giver needs advice on (themselves)?

2) Needed changes — individually and collectively

• Core question: what really needs to change?
• When hearing the word “change” what comes to mind?
• What context is defaulted into to answer this question:
  • “I/you need to change”?
  • (How many relationships have been taken on as projects?)
  • “I want to change (but can’t) [or yes I know this change needs to be made but making it a reality is really far off]”
• For me change often means: “The change I want can’t come quick enough and I don’t want the change I don’t want”
• How do you know what changes you need and not just want? Will the changes (you/we need happen anyway)?
• How does all this apply on more collective levels: friends, ancestry past/present/future, tribe(s), groups, collectives, organizations, humanity, beyond humanity [read questions again applied to this level]
• The only reliable, constant in life is changeability.

3) Speaking up and inquiring/investigating to spark curiosity and enthusiasm

• Those who aren’t speaking up, and/or who are hardly ever assertive may be put off by someone like me overdoing it, especially in the past
• And/or what about those whom lack establishing, communicating, and reinforcing boundaries?
• Mindfulness of speaking practice
• Guidelines for right/wise speech: true, kind, not harsh, not divisive, creates concord, timely, helpful, necessary not idle chatter
• [I mention breaking into a dance party at a funeral as probably not appropriate but it depends on the culture, time, people, etc]
• Last month’s “Ask Anyone Anything? Live With Whom? Minor “Ask Us Anything” Restart?” addressed previous posts “Why and Why Not to Question/Inquire” and “Wisdom Snippets: Inquiry / Investigation“

But in this past work I didn’t go much into how to formulate questions:

• To get the right answers you have to ask the right questions.
• For self-inquiry there’s asking a question. At first it can be vague and general then contemplate it, get an answer, refine question, get answer, continue/repeat
• Peeling the Onion — what’s behind that? What’s behind that?…..
• But how about motivations for speaking up and asking questions?
• What are you really enthusiastic about (or remember the last time you were)? Now three things. How can this be applied to more areas? Can the most enthusiastic thing be applied equally to other two?
• What all is really important to be curious and enthusiastic about?
• Then there’s kind of the opposite where maybe there needs to be time for old interests to fall away, rest and then reassess
• Who can you clearly ask and be curious around and not? Who all inhabits more grey areas where sometime I can?
• Niece and nephew say: “can I tell you something?”
• When are and when aren’t good times to ask yourself questions and be curious?
• [Interesting counter-perspective by Andrew Bartzis in next podcast: “curiosity is the downfall of consciousness”]

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What are your take aways for these three sections: advice, changes (from individual to world), asking?

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Listen to the full, unedited version of this talk: https://join.wisdom.audio/3f9G

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