Show Up. Listen Up. Speak Up. | (2/22/2022 — “Ask Us Anything – LIVE” With Lydia Grace)

Fellow Insight Timer teacher Lydia Grace inspired the title of this month’s regular open-audience, open-discussion “Ask Us Anything” — continuing discussions about meditation and related topics.

Recently on Lydia’s Insight Timer circle Embodied Living she said of one of her solo live events, “…you didn’t actually miss the live because I got on briefly to say I couldn’t do it today due to a migraine and needing to rest.” This is how to Show Up even when one can’t. Lydia’s nuanced and expansive healing BodyTalk technique helps us Listen Up beyond our day-to-day attentiveness. And both Lydia and I are now no strangers on how to Speak Up even if we would rather not interrupt each other but continue doing so. We aim to inspire those with interest in more publicly — or even just more boldly — sharing what one feels called to share with kindness, integrity, authenticity and alignment.

Doing full show notes seems to take (me) a lot of time and energy so I may or may not include full notes later. I welcome any inspired listener(s) to take and send show notes for inclusion here by emailing them to

Audio: Show Up. Listen Up. Speak Up. | (2/22/2022 — “Ask Us Anything – LIVE” With Lydia Grace)

Find and connect with Lydia:

Join “Ask Us Anything LIVE” next month, Tuesday March 29, 2022 at 3:00pm Central via:

The raw unedited YouTube transcription of this podcast:

okay welcome everyone i think it’s working on all the technology we’re attempting to
do we’re live on facebook we’re live on youtube
your youtube is integrating presents correct well if you search youtube for that
if you search youtube for integrating presents um josh depaul you’ll find it but our just go to it’ll be the first um thing there and you can find it that way watch your replays that way
and on lydia’s facebook and we’re also live on the wisdom app
which is a free app audio app that you can join so welcome everyone i’m gonna have you
josh introduce the topic today sure and we’re on insight timer too uh
so i don’t know if we mentioned that or whatever but all right so here we are as many things as possible
as many things as we can without like choking the internet and our computers right so all right so to today’s topic
um i’ve entitled um show up um listen up
speak up and so this was inspired by lydia and i wrote a little piece on the blog
post about this but mainly one of her recent i guess inside timer live events
she had a migraine and she couldn’t do it but she still showed up on the event
uh at the time to tell people that right that she had a migraine and she didn’t feel like doing it right so this is a kind of a way to
show up when we can’t actually show up kind of taking care of things like that now listening up
uh for those of us for those of you who have joined before the past couple shows
and if you haven’t noticed denny kmu is not with us today so denny’s father recently passed um
and he is looking to do other things um specifically from what i gather going
back to helping maybe at the san francisco zin center doing um volunteering in prisons uh the the
prison saying i think it’s san quentin and he’s had such fruitful time there but anyway i i digress um
so teaching teaching qigong no i don’t know he might this time but before when he did he went
through i think it’s a san francisco zen center program uh it’s a very kind of rigorous training program to be able to
go to prisons and you know speak of dharma and do certain things like that
no i’m not 100 sure we’ll have to ask denny about that um so listening up is lydia’s method of
bodytalk right so the past few shows we’ve um we’ve talked about this technique
specifically i think it was the last one we went into in-depth on that and we can get more even into that today
uh so listening up that way um that method of lydia’s
bodytalk method gives us a way to listen that’s beyond our current and
everyday you know technique of listening it goes way deeper than just listening
but so we’ve got presence and we’ve got paying attention showing up and then speaking up so
you know if you guys haven’t noticed lydia and i kind of will talk over the top of each other a lot of times and but
we’re really no stranger to speaking our minds and sharing what we know and
helping folks um and not being afraid to admit our mistakes um kind of at least
for me in back panel right and do some corrections where needed but not you know also getting to tore up where
you know just kind of in a funk where um always
worrying about what has been said you know and uh things like this and regret so speaking up though and i i
feel that we we possibly might be inspiring some people to find their own voice and to speak more publicly if
they’re called to do so um with um expressing things and also
you know um speaking their truth i guess i mean that’s kind of an overused phrase that i’m not really
fond of but it it can uh it puts a finger on the pulse i guess and so i
guess to start this off um i asked lydia you know just as an overall
thing of what i’ve just said and introduced and then i guess we can jump into the showing up part right
yeah so for those of you who are new to this
josh and i and denny who’s not here today uh we’ve been going live once a month they were going live once a month
what since 2020 2021 i think it was in september 2020
but okay september 2020 on youtube talking about
ask us anything different topics around mindfulness around embodied living around integrity dharma
all of that and then at some point i started joining every month and it’s been great it’s so great because we all
have we all come from very different perspectives we have different personalities so it’s the ability to navigate conversation
from very different perspectives and i appreciate it so much every time and i know clients of mine that have
listened in have loved it for any of you that so there’s already one guest waiting on the wisdom app that
wants to i guess ask a question so at some point i’ll open the mic up to you whoever you are
we you we’re coming to you i see you and if you’re listening on youtube or on
facebook you’re free to comment or ask any questions as we go into the conversation so we have about an hour
today to do that and whenever i do any sort of live whether i’m leading it or
co-facilitating like with josh and denny i i like to ask
for you to ponder what does it mean to show up in your life what does it mean to listen up what
does it mean to speak up like what does that mean to you and the reason i like to ask questions
like this is because for two reasons one as a previous cognitive skills trainer
it allows your mind to be more engaged the more you’re engaged the more you have the ability to process and come to
new form new neural pathways for yourself and come to new realizations about your
authentic truth regardless if it matches or resonates with ours or not that’s not the point
but also the other part is in these types of conversations
it helps us kind of be more on the same page of like differentiating is this a semantics thing when we disagree is it a
concept well we’re com because all of us are uniquely whether we’re speaking or listening coming to conversations like this from
our own conditioning of our nervous system our belief systems our thoughts our
personality our trauma our joy whatever it is we’re all coming from a different context
and i love being able to explore concepts simply from what is the concept and then how are each of us seeing it
and learning from each other as we hear different points of view so i really like the title because it’s
kind of open-ended and we can kind of go in any direction and the 80d part of me loves that
um are you open to
welcoming the guests on wisdom app sure why not and while you’re bringing them up there i’ll just say real quick that
reminds me of that classic tale like if you witness an accident and have to go fill out a police report right can
everybody can agree that they did witness something but then everybody kind of gives a different account right
um and then how can we you know see each other’s conditioning and then go beyond
that to see the light within everybody right to see everyone’s unique light instead of just
i don’t know impacting their conditioning right or having their looking mirrored to us
uh how can we have that even a light mirrored to us yeah that even goes so far into so i’m an
embodiment coach somatic educator meditation facilitator massage instructor among other things i’ve done
in my life and that’s like what i currently do one of the things that i help to
facilitate for my clients to see is the interpretation of ourselves and
our life has everything to do with who we are and
our experience in that moment and there’s it helps to understand our
context but it also helps to empower us to have greater inner sovereignty and authority over shifting where we’re at
in that moment to shift what we’re choosing to see and how we’re choosing to interpret what
we’re seeing so similar to what you said everyone can see an accident and have completely different things that they’re
seeing because they’re seeing it through their individual eyes from their perspective their physiology their
context how traumatic it is for them or not based on what they’re receiving but
also that’s the same with our unique expression at any given moment in our life even from moment to moment in the
same day so who was it alan watts or something that says your truth in the morning is not your truth in the afternoon
and from my understanding the interpretation that i got from that was
like your physiology your emotions what’s happening in your life has a different effect on what you see
in the morning in the afternoon and you might see something different and it’s not because one is less or more valid
than the other it’s just being in the moment and what you see you know in all and
that obviously to a whole other conversation of what is truth what is your truth does truth change you know is
it fickle what all of that so very good point you know causes and conditions too that’s a big thing in
buddhist teachings is you know the causes and conditions of your general day-to-day could be very different in
the morning conditions and causes can change towards in in the evening right so it could be a
whole different ball game just depending on who were around circumstances whether
what happened during the day you know what led up to that um kind of plans we’re making um you
know all kinds of different stuff yeah and you mentioned authority are we going to have the guests outside
we’ll just keep blabbing here unless we yeah yeah we can keep talking keep talking
so i think my settings on wisdom app is arbitrary i think i set it up for three
minutes whoever you’re waiting guessed you have about three minutes to ask a question say a comment whatever you want and then
it’s just gonna i think automatically meet you because i’m new to the wisdom app this audio app which is awesome
and for any of you that are interested it’s kind of like clubhouse and it’s a newer app i believe there’s not too many
people but it’s a lot of focus on mindfulness and how you’re living spirituality all of that so guest
you can introduce yourself welcome you can ask a question or say comments
you’re up
hello hi jimmy welcome hello welcome
yeah so i’m um i’m a meditation teacher
and i was just wondering what have you guys found that works
in what sense so if you were to be more specific in what sense works for
um as what as finding clients uh putting together
like course materials just you know in any way like what because it’s an
experiment you know it’s like because it’s such like an open topic and very
wide thing you know so what have you found that works and what doesn’t work
okay so if i’m understanding you correctly are you asking more about like the marketing aspect of how to call in
like grow business yeah that could i mean that could be one way to see it
okay um if i were to get more clear is it does it have to do with marketing and or
like what works with clients what brings like results yeah as well all of the any of it like whatever speaks to you you
know whatever whatever you can say like what works what doesn’t work in any aspect you know it’s like
and like i said it’s a it’s a big experiment you know it’s like you’re you’re taking something from nothing and
and starting to create you know it’s like the mind you start breaking apart the mind and
the brain it’s so powerful so that can be implemented in very many different ways
so i’m just curious what you guys have found to work because i’ve been a meditation teacher for
three years now and i continue my education but
i’m always open to learning more and more okay about other people’s journeys and
whatnot these are great questions thank you for coming up and asking them jimmy
um is there anything else you wanted to say about for yourself answering those
questions in the next 48 seconds you have what has worked for you
no i mean i kind of came on to see what has worked for you guys this is your
podcast yeah okay awesome well thank you um okay so do you want to take this
first draft oh i’d love to this is kind of like my bread and butter you know um you know the classic advice or that i’ve
heard with you know business type things is you know once you start doing something if it’s a hobby beforehand then you’re
probably not going gonna like to do that in your spare time right um that’s that’s one of the ways people
look at traditional business things right so if you if you take on something you really like to do well then it’s gonna become in you’re an entrepreneur
then you’re gonna be doing that 24 7 and you might get burnt out on it right now i don’t know if that applies to the type
of kind of career or work we’re doing because i know for me it was just um
it’s i didn’t i didn’t come to this really in a traditional way okay i um i won’t give details here but i kind of
hit rock bottom in my life and within the first three times that i did
meditation it was it was kind of a complete 180 so immediately and hardly anybody that i’ve encountered had had
such uh success uh immediately with that and i even had some mystical experiences i mean i was
my own therapist for years and then i really kind of learned formal practice for this
so for me when what i’m getting at here with that is for me it it was a commitment right so
that just those first few times and i noticed such a huge impact i committed to a daily practice
so now um you know this is kind of a metric that may mean a lot to some
people may not mean uh much to people i’m maybe in the middle but
i sat down and figured it out so next year i think around the middle of the year i’ll probably go later just to be
sure i’ll have 10 000 hours right they say to become an expert at anything you know and i wouldn’t really call myself
an expert but you know it’s a benchmark ten thousand dollars is something so a daily sitting practice
um since 2012 right um so that’s one thing so if you’re going to
commit to that and i don’t think this is necessary for everybody i mean um teachers at all levels can jump in and
resonate and help people at all kinds of different levels i’m not saying that that kind of commitment
and training is necessary to do this not at all um but for me it’s almost like a
way of life and um i’m sincere about it it’s not just another job or anything like that right
so this is my um you know it wouldn’t matter if i taught or said anything i would still continue with my daily
practice so that kind of is the core for me the grounding the framework for me so
not only a teacher but also practitioner okay and then you know i would just say in general um
with that so many fruits and benefits come from it so intuition
greatly boosts so it can almost sit with somebody and and and just talk to them
for a little bit and just kind of read what they’re needing you know what’s needed so what does the person need what
kind of practice need and what’s going to help them especially in the long term help them
and be able to not only help them but help everyone around them what’s going to lead to their long-term
benefit and happiness right um so that those i think those are the two big things you know what what does
what do your clients need why are they coming to you um or client or practitioner i should
say you know someone interested in meditation find out what they um what they could benefit from
and how they can benefit and then how i can help um facilitate that and bring that forth and
also you know i don’t want to do every you can’t really do everything for them the teacher only points the way right
the actual work has to be done by the practitioner um so i think that’s enough for now um i
i’ve got other things probably to say but i’ll let lydia jump in here okay so i’m not sure if i agree or
disagree with you but that’s pretty normal of our conversations okay so
what works so the question was what works what works jimmy asked the question he’s you’re a meditation teacher you’re
asking what works for marketing how do you actually bring in clients in any business you’re starting specifically
around meditation and what actually works for the clients number one
is especially when it’s related to working with anyone’s body psyche
spirituality energy number one most important thing is integrity
if you cannot show up in integrity don’t do it integrity is defined by each of us
individually by our collective by how we show up in the collective our impact on others our impact on ourselves
from the perspective of me being a meditation facilitator yoga teacher massage instructor embodiment coach
somatic educator integrity to me means showing up with as
much compassionate neutrality and clarity as possible and my philosophy is
each of us has inner inner guidance each of us has our own unique and individual wisdom
my wisdom is not your wisdom i can bring my wisdom to the table
through intuition as l as soon as i’m attached to you following what i say i am no longer
neutral i am no longer in integrity with my belief system as soon as i try to fix a situation
i’m moving into the space of you must be broken there’s something wrong with you that’s not what i actually believe i
don’t believe that i don’t believe we’re broken i do not believe there’s something wrong with us i think our nervous systems have been conditioned
over time through our lifetime through society through generational whatever we pick up on
to be in service of our safety and survival that may or may not look like in service
of thriving in community thriving as an individual so for me
specifically my integrity says if i’m not doing the
work i shouldn’t be doing this if i’m not doing the work with myself i should not be
assuming or thinking that i can serve or help other people i can do accounting fine
but i’m choosing to do stuff that matters that hits directly on how i see the world how i see people individuals
how i see myself and how i’m showing up whether i’m giving massage whether i’m teaching massage whether i’m teaching
yoga mindfulness facilitating meditation being a coach
so for me what works always starts with me first of all is it working for me because if it’s not
then it’s i’m telling it’s gonna work for someone else but it’s not working for me i call on myself
second as soon as i move into the space i know what’s better than for them than they do
i call on myself because i don’t what i do know is my experience my education what i can bring
to the table to facilitate a space that creates safety and consent
for them to explore their own truth and to get to a deeper level of connection with their own authenticity that
the timeline for that looks different for every single person i love this topic show up listen up
speak up because the same applies to how i work with clients as how i do my marketing
the number one thing i have to do is show up if i don’t show up
there’s marketing isn’t happening like i have to be visible
on whatever platform i’m choosing which right now is multiple insight timer the wisdom app speaking of there’s a comment
below someone’s asking shredderhead is asking is the wisdom app available on
android do you know that josh or is it just pretty sure it is yeah i’m not familiar with android but i want to say yeah just search the app store for it
and you’ll you’ll get it now don’t hold me do that it’s it’s a it’s a white background with a purple silhouette of
einstein wearing white headphones right yes yeah and i don’t know actually i
think they started off not on android so there’s a possibility they’re not on there yet um you can listen on the web
though too and i’m just gonna jump in here and follow up on lydia’s stuff and
integrity is so important and i just take that for granted sometimes you know um once we’re established in integrity i
guess it’s easier for me to overlook but it is really vital you know
and part of that’s just being honest honest with ourselves right so and that’s just uh it’s you know put myself
on a pedestal but that’s just seems so far away now uh that to come back to it that just being honest uh with ourselves
um i i overlook that a lot too um because if we can’t do that then and actually honesty is a
is a form of self-love too if we can be honest with ourselves it’s actually a form of self-love so just saying
you know self-love that’s a bunch of bs that’s sappy crap you know if you’re at that spot that’s honesty and that’s
actually you know a thing of self-love but yeah you know how how are we going to be able to tell somebody to do something if we haven’t done it
ourselves first right and then very important and if we’re not in practice
if we’re not in consistent practice with it like you said it’s a commitment to showing up consistently modern or
current not modern current research so for any of you that are interested there’s an interesting app that brings a
lot of science and current research to different topics the huberman lab and one of the most recent episodes was
on mindset and embodiment which is interesting and the woman on there i believe she’s a phd
psychologist behavioral scientist etc and she talked about 300 reps gets you to muscle memory
3000 reps gets you to embodiment she didn’t mention the 10k but usually 10k
is kind of the understood more mastery level and she distinguished embodiment by
once you’ve hit 300 reps of whatever it is meditation lifting weights like
speaking kindly catching yourself in a moment of mindfulness or being out of integrity whatever it is
the 300 mark in general according to the research that she’s doing or whatever
means you’ve affected your nervous system your your neural pathways enough where there’s a strong enough new
connection pathway in your body for there to be muscle memory
that does not mean however that that’s your new default the 3000 reps is where
you get to that being your new default of how you’re going to respond so if i’m in conflict and i normally
escalate and go into insulting the other person in my head let’s just say right that’s my default
if i start practicing ca one catching myself going there eventually to being able to de-escalate
myself in my head and then speaking kindness or getting curious in the conflict in those moments
at three hunt practices 300 practices i’ll have familiarity with it
at 3 000 practices my noob default will be to get curious versus get
insulting so i really really appreciate that and that really speaks to the show up we
have to show up i have one of my clients is a personal trainer and works with professional athletes
this client talks about how you cannot even assess what you’re doing until you show up
consistently until you master the art of showing up you can’t do any assessment of whether it’s working or not
so if there’s anything in your life eating new foods getting healthy stopping a behavior starting a new
behavior don’t assess it until you start showing up consistently to do it
so many times we try to assess after showing up once we’re not even at the 300 mark or we start assessing this
isn’t working and i’ve done it five times well that doesn’t mean anything it doesn’t mean it’s working or not working it just
means you’ve shown up five times good job on showing up five times do you want to show up 300 times do you
want to show up 3000 times do you want to show up 10 000 times and so many times that’s where our mind
sabotages moving forward because we get stuck i’m a professional
overthinker we get stuck in the overthinking we get stuck in trying to figure out ahead of time whether it’s the right move
and we kind of are in a space of a little bit of disruption rather than i’m going to
do this i’m going to do whatever it takes no matter what this is my intention coming back to connection what
is my purpose what is my vision why am i even doing this in the first place do i care enough to follow through to
get the reps in and if i’m not seeing progress am i still okay to keep committing to it
yeah these are so important you know and this goes back to there’s three things um
from a community that i’ve heard of that i feel really important and lydia touched on one of the very beginning authority and now this is
intent which she just spoke to and the other one is um
what is it inten uh authority intent and oh dang it i’m miss i’m blanking on the
one but so where are we putting our authority right are we giving it outside ourselves sometimes i guess we need to
do that for for assistance and help but where is the ultimate authority lie in anything and then intent what is the
intent right oh consent is the other one and lydia’s talk so much about that very very
important too are people are we giving away our consent do people
think called tacit consent where people just assume if you don’t speak up and say something well then you’re giving
consent and a lot of times that’s how people operate if you don’t explicitly a lot of times it’s not true
what’s that a lot of times it’s not true just by showing up does not mean you’re giving consent absolutely not so what some
people will assume that um they’ll they’ll con assume you’re giving consent if you
don’t say one thing or another right um so you have to really speak up and state
where your um consent lies too right and be very mindful of that now go going
back to the um you know the um lydia said we’re not broken i totally agree with that you know that is a huge
perception that once we see that we’re not broken that you know what it whatever we think is wrong with it
is just a label that can be certain times and very harmful at other times a label that we can pick up and take input
down right but ultimately you know um we’ve survived everything up to this
point right we we’re not broken you know if the heart breaks then that’s how the light gets in right we can let tears
water the heart too so and then you know going back to the original question again too about the
marketing thing so this is i used to actually work in online marketing but now i’m in a position where i’m doing what i do for donation basis so i can’t
speak a lot to that although i’m still i’m starting to go in that route where i need to start considering you know um
bringing in passive income and things like this in a more traditional way
and what lydia said about knowing um better than the client now that’s i’m glad she pointed out because sometimes
yes not guilty of that but i i’ve been you know it’s easy to put myself on a pedestal sometimes right when you have
can see all these things have all this wisdom to share have all this practice right um so
keeping that in mind that what are just suggestions right they’re not commands
they’re they’re instructions to explore and know for yourself now no one can know ourselves better than ourselves
right so the ultimate thing is you have to see and know it for yourself people can only
get um offer you know suggestions um and then showing up right but
we we all know what it means to show up for other people but how do we show up for ourselves you know um
[Music] sometimes we don’t even show up for ourselves right um we just show up for other people um so what does it mean to
show up for ourselves too and that pers um yelling and what liddy was saying yelling in the head i mean
that’s a really common one i still do that but once or and once we get to this
point um where our perceptional sphere expands and becomes more malleable and
wieldy then perception can have a huge impact so when i heard this perception that
when things like that well what’s the silver lining to that you know usually we’ll we’ll we’ll perceive that as oh
i’m judging someone and again i don’t feel it’s a judgment it’s
not driving satisfaction from that from that critique you know or that discernment or whatever
where whatever our heads doing a lot of times you know if we don’t want our mind to say something and it just does well then you
know how i don’t feel that’s really a judgment so much so the the way to that i reframe this or
i’ve been talking uh or been taught is to look at it as the silver lining of okay i see your your light your divinity
or your buddha nature whatever you want to call it and that’s just not for me so it’s not necessarily that i’m uh
judging because i want to get you know obviously i’m not getting satisfaction and feeling righteous for judging that
person because i don’t want to do that right so maybe that’s just one way of the mind saying okay you know that
that’s great you know i just that’s just not for me you know and so it’s kind of this maybe a built-in safety mechanism
you know saying that it’s like okay you know that’s great but no not not not doing that right now
there’s so many things coming to my mind as you talk one of the things so there’s
two main things that came up that i want to bring up first
one is we can take a moment any of you that are listening now or to the replay
take a moment right now and tune in how are you showing up for yourself in
this moment just right now because the present moment
is where we live as soon as we go into past or future
that’s fine i’m not against going into either of those but we’re going out we’re go we’re going
into a little dissociation away from our body away from our breath away from the presence of of now
the future in the past affects us now we get to have that in context how are you showing up for yourself in
this moment that looks different to each of us so em
what does it first of all before we say how what does it mean for me to show up
lydia grace on this live on multiple platforms
what does it mean for me to be showing up for myself right now what does it mean to be showing up for the live
because those might be different definitions what does it mean for me to be showing up
in life so again first of all what does show up mean for you and in what context are you
asking that question on this live am i show what does it mean
for me in this moment to be showing up am i connected to my body right now as an embodiment coach
my intention is to come to lives like this in a state of presence in a state of connection to myself in a state of
awareness of how much i want to dissociate into intellectual conversation how much i want to stay in
my breath where i am in my body can i feel my hips or am i mostly in my head
am i aware of my heartbeat am i aware of my breath am i aware of my nervous system
can i notice right now if i’m going into more of an activated sympathetic response which some most of us know as
fight or flight but it also is mobilizing more energy activated
am i connected at all to my parasympathetic response my rest digest calm presence
self is am i out of balance in any way is there anything i can be shifting right
now how does my body feel am i noticing not just tension in my body but am i also noticing any area of lightness or
freedom or connection can i be resourced in who i am in this moment
can i be resourced in connection to josh as the other speaker right now in this
moment can i maintain co-regulation being with him in a space
where we’re regulating our nervous system simultaneously with the intention of respect curiosity
like honor fluidity can we maintain an aspect of
co-regulation together while i’m also noticing where i am at
and even if i would be or am disregulated in any way
can i be okay with that can i show up being a human those are the types of things that i
bring to myself around what does it mean to show up
am i committed to following through with my intention on this live today am i committed to following through
with allowing myself to be human as i show up
where i can recognize vanity conditioning of how i look is the
lighting right and then or how my tone is can i also be aware of
just wanting to be me who gives a kind of thing can i be aware of like what is my purpose
all of those are showing up am i showing up how am i showing up as a listener you get to also know is my
intention to be fully engaged right now am i fully engaged what does it mean to be fully engaged do i feel like i’m
giving full consent to myself do i want to be fully engaged or does it feel safer to have this in the background
while i do the dishes while i multitask you get to ask yourself all those questions is there any part of you right
now that isn’t giving full consent to be here can you get curious about that point part rather
than forcing it to consent or or just disappearing can you just get curious what is that
about does it have an effect on me does it need to have an effect on me so many questions can come up just with
what does it mean to show up and then one quick thing because i know you’re going to want to say something um
when you mentioned honesty one of the most important things i’ve learned about honesty in the last decade
is honesty we can use honesty to justify how we’re
behaving in any moment when i am in a full state of anger dysregulation and i don’t give a
about the other person i can say i’m being honest what’s not true is i am not being honest to my integrity i am being
honest to my anger what is honesty because if i’m being honest to my anger
i am not being honest showing up for the other person i am not being honest to showing up
with i am not being honest to show up to who i who i am in my deepest state of
presence i can validate that i have anger and there’s reasons for it but if i’m being
only honest to my anger and not honest to my truth that’s not honesty
but in the moment i can i will argue all day long in that moment if i’m angry that i’m being honest
so even that question what is honesty and how are we bringing honesty to ourselves and our relationships because
we can hide behind the word in the concept of honesty to justify any behavior we’re showing up with
i wanted to put that out there because that’s been a big lesson for me to learn of my impact on others and how i affect
myself that’s really interesting i want you could you go into maybe an example of that because i don’t know if i’m
following a hundred percent i mean yeah that’s i get it a little bit like um
you’re kind of just putting the emphasis on honesty itself instead of
actually what needs to be brought forth in the honesty in the forefront um
is that right or can you elaborate a little bit more i guess i’m going to give an example i’ve been on and off
dating apps for years like on dating websites you know i’ve kind of seen the evolution of the dating world online
and there’s a lot of there’s a lot of profiles that say like what’s the most important thing in a relationship honesty and i always wonder
what does that mean to you because back in back in 2012 i was on a dating website
and i dated someone and both of our most important things was honesty
and we could would fight like no other we would hurt each other with our words so easily and both of us
thought we were being honest after that relationship was over i really considered like what
what happened like why did we always fight while we were both thinking we were being honest but we were just throwing insults after insult at each
other and like tearing each other down what i recognized was there was a validity to the honesty that was
happening but i was completely out of integrity in how i was showing up and probably i’m
guessing the other person was too but we’re not we didn’t process any of this afterwards
i was honest to my level of anger i was honest to my level of how i was
feeling about how the other person was treating me i was but honesty without compassion
is mean and cruelty so i was not being honest to my values
of how i wanted to show up in conflict i was being honest to my reactivity i was
not being honest to my truth and my truth was i want to be in a relationship where there’s respect i want to be in a
relationship where when i get hurt i can honestly express myself create boundaries with the other person and
still respect them in the process and still have them respect me that was more honest i did not know that
at the time i hadn’t come to those realizations but over time now when i think of honesty i think of
for me honesty is comp honesty with compassion with
alignment to my values with alignment to who i want to be and how i want to show up so rather than
what am i trying to say in the argument my focus is now who do i want to be in this argument that’s going to be more
honest to me than what i’m trying to say because once i’m honest to who i am then
i can be like i’m feeling really misunderstood right now then i get to speak to my personal experience own and
be responsible for not just who i am and how i’m showing up but my impact on the other person
without being codependent without being without needing them to respond a certain way to get a certain outcome
so that’s does that help you understand absolutely yeah you got to follow pretty clear so yeah that’s the thing
right i mean and that i’ve been there too right and what that does is it for me it breeds a lot of righteousness too
right oh well this is right this is the way to do it and this is my moral high ground you know
screw you this is the way it is this is the way you should be this is the way everybody should be right so that kind
of righteousness um if it’s just honesty and nothing else tempering it then for me that that does
breed righteousness and has in the past so this is why this is why it’s so helpful i found uh the buddhist
guidelines for um right speech right why speech so honesty is or truthfulness is
at the top but then it has to be kind too right um and then even more so can
we not use harsh speech right can we use you know speech that isn’t harsh to hear um
another thing is is it the right time to say that right you’re not going to be yelling certain things out at a funeral
or maybe a wedding right that you would some other places um also is it helpful
for what i’m saying is it gonna help anybody or is it just you know just um blah blah blah you know weather weather
uh what is what’s the sports team doing which sometimes a lot of that is needed to break the ice to put people at ease
right but after a certain point we can just go blabbing on and on and on and it’s really not doing anything but just
wasting energy for both of us and what is the other guideline that that i’m missing here um
[Music] oh maybe i’ll come back to it is it kind is it necessary yeah is it
right time the right time yeah nothing yeah i like from oh concord doesn’t create concord
too right does it does it divide people or does it bring people together go ahead lydia
well it’s interesting because you brought up the word harsh and then you brought up concord
sometimes speaking up divides and that’s exactly
what’s necessary the sl the sword of truth like that does not necessarily bring peace but in that
moment when you’re speaking up for what’s right what’s right is more important than
immediate peace then immediate satisfaction of everyone feeling good in that moment like sometimes the right
thing to do is what’s going to uphold integrity for example human
rights for example other things you know animal rights environment rights whatever that can feel uncomfortable but
sometimes extremely necessary to do speaking up is extremely important
and it has to do with can i maintain connection to my truth and myself
while i’m speaking up speaking truth speaking up for others speaking up for myself whatever can i continue to
maintain connection with whatever with with you know with
god with myself with my inner connection with my inner guidance with my inner truth
and then the word harsh is interesting because i get curious how are you defining harsh because
for example as a woman from patriarchy a woman being harsh
is a man being confident right so like how are we defining harsh
and what does that mean is it based on what someone’s looking at me in cultural context of women
shouldn’t ever disrupt the situation [Music] so like we’re also working with
systems of society most of them systems of oppression and corruption that are defining all these words for us
and my invitation to myself and others is always get curious about how you’re defining it is that definition from you
or is that definition from society and if it’s from society is that a is
that a helpful definition is that helping break down what’s not working what’s
corrupt what’s oppression and upholding truth and getting us into
another paradigm where we can treat each other better where we can elevate our consciousness as a whole
and so sometimes showing up listening up and speaking up can look like it’s doing the opposite of
our intentions when in fact it’s right in the right path and can we show up and maintain and stay
committed even if it looks like we’re tearing things down
and can we be in our integrity what does it mean to dare things out is that okay and are we doing it from a place of ego
and reactivity out of integrity or are we doing that from a place of like collective consciousness truth
etc you know so even there like i noticed my heart rate like
you know like my body’s like getting activated of like anger is not a negative emotion anger
most of these emotions we think of as negative ideally are meant to mobilize they’re meant to get us to shift out of
something that hasn’t been helpful and to move towards greater vision greater clarity
so just like pain in the body negative emotion in the body is a wisdom um
is is is our body’s wisdom or a true wisdom to invite us into looking further
and moving through and breaking through to see what else is possible
beautiful oh and they’re coming after you lydia it sounds like no not no not really
um so yeah that’s right uh you know with with the the guidelines on speech it’s priority
prioritizing sometimes the truthfulness might be more important sometimes the um
kindness might be more important sometimes the concord might be more so this is where the more discernment the
better the the more we can build our discernment muscle to know what’s needed what needs to be prioritized among that
the better and we kind of kind of danced around this but you know lydia asking you know where all this is coming from
where and so what i found it’s so helpful for me is identifying core values so like three or four things
that and this is also like a uh an alternative to just living gold the golden goal in your life nothing wrong
with always gonna need goals to be able to keep moving forward and they can be temporary satisfying until we set the
next goal right um but you know if we can identify our core values what really
means the most to us in life you know and then if we act from those and in alignment with those core values then
there’s way more satisfaction that can come in life right um because we it gives a sense of purpose
as well um it gives a direction point an anchoring point um
stability um just for example minor wisdom and the heart qualities one wing is wisdom and
then the heart qualities balance those out kindness compassion rejoicing and equanimity because if
wisdom without those gets too cold but then the heart qualities without wisdom it gets to you know hippy-dippy kind of
thing can be you know um really saccharine and whatnot and then
um going back to lydia’s thing about um listening you know full of can we i
think it’s um gil fraudstahl he’s a meditation teacher and he talks about listening with our full attention right
so if we’re getting our or even the meditation object that’s really helpful with if you’re doing meditating on a
single meditation object like the breath or the body can we give our full entire
complete attention you know not saying it’s always necessary but that is a very
valuable training to be able to do that right it’s very rare in this day and age when so much millions and trillions of
dollars are after our attention right and so many distractions we notice that we sit down and try to meditate um
especially starting off and i know for me you know um when lydia was talking about what does it mean to
show up can we still be embodied and whatnot and this is where um i you know
being the masculine you know activated in the mind right it’s very easy for me to become
not really disembodied but just put a lower priority on that and so this is why
my meditation practice helps me so much because it returns me to my body and when i get ungrounded then things
the stress levels become way more impactful as well so being grounded in a lot of folks too and one way to do that
um fastest way for me to do that is barefoot on the earth that’s not always an option mindfulness of the body is
very vital and now i wanted to say one thing about the anger though this is a really
interesting thing to me too because in buddhism there’s these three poisons creed
hatred or anger and delusion or ignorance and this is where i
feel that this second one and i agree with lydia here to a certain degree i don’t like the translation anger for
this i like ill will um ill will is a poison because i don’t see any um
any benefit whatsoever in any context i’m hoping to change my mind where ill will
can be helpful are needed it is a poison now anger and
hatred you know while it’s a low-level thing that we can all see the disadvantages of it’s there for me uh as
a like a last resort fail-safe mechanism because um anger can
like i think lydia said motivate us right it’s there because something is being harm is being perpetrated either
on ourselves or others it’s there to um address that otherwise you know you
can’t just say oh just i’ll accept that you know i just need to be more tolerant or i need to you know
just i accept that the way it is no if somebody’s getting the beat out of them right in front of you and you can
say something or do something to stop it and harm then you’re going to do that you’re not just going to say oh i accept
that you know right because the commitment to non-harming um so that anger or you know even hatred hatred i
don’t know the exact etymology i heard this one teacher so you have to go back and look it up even etymology changes throughout the ages too right you can go
and see different words have different meanings based on the time but hatred for me is like a last resort
thing to say it’s um it can be out of care actually because if you see
something and you’re you’re hating it then it might mean that it’s based on well i see the harm done in that i don’t
like that i hate that i um i want it to be something that’s less harmful okay but now this is not to say that you
should act on that hatred because a lot of times if we act on a hatred when we’re in a
hateful state it cannot it’s usually not the the best um place to act from right so if we’re in a
more grounded centered place although sometimes i mean some action is going to be called for immediately but not all
the time you know a lot of times when we have more space groundedness and i don’t know resolution uh and more alignment
with their core values then we can act more integrity too um but yeah i don’t think we should completely write off
hate and anger anger is a whole other thing too it’s like a double-edged sword right because if you don’t address it it
keeps bottling up and then it could really explode and do some harm but then the more we um say oh i’m going to
express my anger all the time well then it’s just kind of like like attracts coming out somewhere yeah
yeah it’s just like it was just okay well that felt really good i should keep doing more of that anger stuff you know
so it’s a really tricky piece to deal with we have around six minutes unless unless we want to go longer we can always
change our mind and go longer than an hour um of the things i really like to do is
bring practical application to like abstract
and philosophical conversation uh because i see it as like if we can’t apply this now to our lives and use it
to practice moving forward and getting better like not not necessarily what’s the point because that’s a whole philosophical
conversation in itself but we all need
ideas like tips tricks how do i take what we’re talking about and apply it
now in this moment how do i let this be an embodied shift for myself create new
neural pathways leverage neuroplasticity get into a place of seeing that change is always
possible potential is always accessible to us in any moment no matter how much we feel it is or not
and the more we can create little wins for ourself the smallest potential
winds allows us to start building ourselves up to start moving forward in a way that can take us out of the fight
or flight that can take us out of this freeze collapse take us out of emotions like hopelessness or whatever
one of the things i wanted to bring up around anger is
from the physiological perspective of what i’ve been learning so i am not a neuroscientist i am also not a licensed therapist so always take me with a grain
of salt you’re free to do that i’m going to be speaking my understanding in layman’s terms
when we are in big emotion especially emotions that we default to reactivity like anger
hatred rage jealousy extreme guilt or shame betrayal mistrust
whatever physiologically we’re going into these are layman’s terms of a
physiological thing that’s happening in our body called amygdala hijack or limbic overload essentially our limbic
brain which is around the brainstem is going into an overload
and in order for the body to survive the mechanism that happens is it shuts us
off from our neocortex our frontal lobe where there’s rational reasoning logical
thinking creative problem solving access to memory so in these huge emotion
that is not the time to think you’re correct unless you said there’s extreme cases when harm is being done and we
have to act in the moment and mobilizing the anger as a mobilizer to help make
ourselves or others safe yes i’m talking general life how we relate to each other and ourselves and stress
general kind of not in any extreme or abusive situation when we have big emotion
if we have the understanding that we have less access physiologically to logical reasoning to
and okay also for any of you that are wanting to gonna
use this in your next argument when someone’s being more emotional than you i call just because you’re not
showing big emotion doesn’t mean you’re not experiencing big emotion
so just for any of you that want to use that in your next argument
you can have even bigger emotion than the person showing emotion and be stoic
so don’t use what you see as using this against someone else in your next argument it’s not gonna work
anyway because they don’t have that because that’s what my brain would do it would be like cool i want to use this in the
next argument against the other person um when you’re in big emotion regardless if
you’re showing it or not so that’s the caveat you do not have as much access to your
limbic to your neocortex you do not have as much access to creative problem solving you do not have as much access
so what do we do in those moments don’t send the email to your boss wait
don’t have that discussion with your colleague do not go and try to resolve an issue with your significant other
with your child with your friend in that amount of emotion if you’re already in the situation the
fastest way out is to name it i have a lot going on i am having a big
emotion related to this conversation right now i need to step out and go to the bathroom and calm myself down
whatever whatever it is however you say it if you’re in a state like alone having a
big emotion the fastest way out is to say a part of me is experiencing this anger
because as soon as you name that it’s a part of your experience you’re giving access to all the different parts of your experience that are not having that
reality the parts of you that are resilient the parts you that have rational
brain ability the parts of you that can calm down you’re giving access by naming this is
what’s happening it’s a part of my experience it does not invalidate what you’re going
through so it validates you and it gives you access to resource resource in yourself resource and co-regulation
resource in community resource with others so those are kind of a little bit of
practical knowledge for you to like have context around big emotion and what to do
and i’m going to give a little plug because marketing right
visibility marketing i have a business online um i am in the pre-launch phase
of putting out a 12-week group mentorship mastermind
that has to do with embodied living specifically related to practical tools to regulate your nervous system
practical tools to navigate and regulate emotion so that you can have greater connection to your own truth and wisdom
and connection to self and emotionally attuned connection to others there’s more to this experience but if
you want to find out more you can reach out to me on whatever the platform you’re listening in on
or send me a message on instagram joyfulnomad and or if you go to my link in any of my bios you’ll hit
an embodied clarity call and you can set up a call with me and these this this
group program is specifically for people who are not in physical or mental crisis
so we’re not helping you move through trauma or any of that i because i’m not
trained to do that so that will not that would not be a safe space for that you can have support through that and
then get on a call to see if it’s a good fit or not but it’s for any of you who kind of are a little above survival mode
and you kind of want to get into that space of like thrive of like i know shit’s possible i
want to get there i know i can transform relationships transform relationship for myself i’m ready to show up i’m ready to
hold responsibility for myself i want to be in a super supportive group of other awesome humans
and grow together if that feels great to you reach out to me and if none of that resonates forget
about it it’s not for you um so josh
the floor is yours well cool i would also encourage everybody to do that obviously um because i mean lydia’s
amazing you know um and not just just plug that but i mean i being somewhat empathic and energetically
sensitive me my nervous system will i do have a support of a chair um okay but
besides that uh just lit the thousands of hours she’s had
with massage and just her knowledge and this is another point knowledge will
turn into wisdom and with that you know information to knowledge and then knowledge to wisdom which means that
that knowledge is being embodied and leveraged and known in the real world so it’s been basically what you know has
been put you know it for yourself right gnosis it’s being put into play and uh
experienced in one’s everyday life it’s just not in a written down in a book somewhere or read it or heard it right
you actually know it for yourself and then and i heard it on
yeah quick interruption i heard it on a podcast because some of you might like this if you like little quotes it’s not
from me but i love it information is not transformation information is great is a great starting
point because education is what dispels ignorance but you have to digest
integrate and own the information for it to turn into transformation
information in itself is neutral and it’s like potential waiting for you to access
just because you read 25 books doesn’t mean you transformed anything you got to implement you got to integrate you got
to process you got to work sit with it you got to talk it whatever your process is
i just wanted to put that it’s the beginning of potential transformation it is not
automatic transformation yeah and that’s the the traditional ways we were taught to learn right you hear something you
watch something uh you read something right um and then that’s that’s the main way we’re taught but then you can also
think about it right um and mull it over in your mind come to conclusions that way that’s kind of a
more traditional but when we get into things like meditation and embodiment and things like this that’s we’re not
really taught those in the traditional school system however that’s a whole different way to um yeah learn and transform embody
put knowledge into wisdom and i guess i i guess i’ll um go back to one other thing real briefly
what lydia said is um with these big emotions and how to she said to basically take um notice
that it’s just a part of what’s happening right just a part of us and i’ve mentioned this in past shows too
and we look into what are we identifying with right if um you know rage comes up oh i’m a rageful
person now or our depression comes up oh i’m a depressed person right no i mean
you know it’s just temporary like everything else right it passes through or it changes intensity levels too right
nothing lasts forever but the big thing is is that identification is it that’s who
i am you know and that could be all-consuming and then we identify with uh whatever the the primary emotion is
or mood uh no it’s just okay depression is like this anger is like
this this is anger being experienced not necessarily that i’m an angry person
that’s who i am i’m angry you know so it’s it’s kind of a slight uh nuanced uh perception but i it really
makes a huge i wrote a post about exactly what you’re saying
so i’ll just read it from instagram what if those negative personality traits you thought were innate and
couldn’t change are simply symptoms of a dysregulated nervous system that can heal guess what you’re not broken
many of the things we’re either going through or we think our personality defects
actually have nothing to do with our personality and have everything to do with what we’ve gone through and how our
nervous system has conditioned us to survive that
and it’s been repeated enough behavior whatever that we have then taken on the narrative
most likely from other people saying it’s our personality issue to then own it as if it’s a personality
defect and i want to say let’s just start calling on that yes stop that’s keeping us stuck
and it’s keeping us as victims to behavior that’s not helping us or others
instead can we start seeing it as my nervous system did as what was best
possible at that time for me to survive the situation i was in no matter what age you are we talk a lot about childhood but it can be as an adult
my sis or my nervous system is continuing to do its best to survive the society i
live in the oppression the whatever whatever we’re going through each of us uniquely based on
socioeconomics race gender everything there’s oppressive mechanisms happening at every level collectively
your what you’re going through your trauma is not unique to you not to say you’re not special but meaning you are
being affected by the collective it is not a personality defect your nervous system is perfectly working to help you
survive and you have the ability to learn ways and tools and techniques
to move in the direction you want to validate and accept what’s happened
how you’re showing up and to draw in the resources the community support you need
to dismantle whatever it is within yourself or in your community to dismantle
to heal to repair just because something needs repair first of all doesn’t mean it’s broken
also we make that assumption too if i’m repairing my nervous system it’s not because it’s broken it’s because i want
it to function differently than how it’s been functioning and it’s been functioning in service of
my safety and survival it hasn’t necessarily been functioning in service of my connection deep healthy
connection to other humans or myself and once we can get a with lydia’s teachings and courses you can get a
reference point for this if you haven’t already i’m sure everybody at least has a reference point but this is why my
guess would be so many people are drawn to certain drugs right because it’s an artificial way
to calm the nervous system right but it’s a long-term um
the long-term you know detriment right because it’s kind of a false certain ones i want to
say certain ones because there’s now a lot of research going on about psychedelics about other things that are
can be potentially really beneficial i know that’s a controversial topic but i just want to put that caveat
right with a good healthy container where there’s sacred honoring of what’s happening
any kind of plant medicine or substance whatever it is in our world is ultimately neutral and it has to do
with why how and how much we’re consuming it absolutely you know and that’s
another thing with addiction too it’s not necessarily um amount it can also be frequency right if
we’re doing something even in small amounts on a regular basis and we can’t go without it that can be an addiction
it can also be like yeah when you’re binging as well but yeah it all depends on the seven setting the person you know
how it’s done why it’s done how often it’s done you know but yes
so uh yeah in certain drugs really just don’t really have any benefit whatsoever but some do but anyway yeah this is
it’s been an amazing time as always lydia um amazing amazing is kind of trite i wish
i could find better words but we get the picture right by we i mean let’s throw in a few plugs
how can people connect with us how can people stay connected for any of you that resonate with this that are interested
in in finding out more about what either of us do following along so obviously on if
you’re on facebook follow me friend me whatever if you’re on wisdom app same follow me
this will be on wisdom app you can re-listen to this later we’re also live on insight timer it’s a meditation app
there’s a it’s free there’s also a membership opportunity but all our lives are free on insight timer i think
there’s what 20 million people now on the app there’s a hundred thousand free meditations of all belief systems all religions
everything it’s awesome extremely diverse place beautiful so much opportunity
so you can join we’re both on insight timer we’re both on wisdom app you’re under
integrating presence right i’m under lydia grace and what else you have a youtube channel
yeah youtube but my main website you can find everything lydia’s talked about including her links specific links to
everything she’s been talking about it’s i can’t really stress inside timer enough although i have a few gripes i won’t go into those now but you know at
any given time like 5 000 people meditating with you and if you’re in a social i mean it’s interesting me not
being on facebook uh hearing uh different people’s reaction when they say facebook wait lydia just said that right so um
but you know it’s also a social network so if you’re gonna do social networking i can’t
really think of a better more healthy way to social network than than on insight timer um i’m sure there’s
probably other ones wisdom apps cool too obviously but um it also you know
yeah you can track your progress and it’s all free oh yeah for insight timer yeah it’s awesome let me have a group on
there embodied living she has a book club group on there uh denny and i are on there there’s live events recorded
things courses you can take on and on and on it’s great yeah and
i’m also on instagram joyfulnomad and then are you integrating presents on instagram
so again follow on any of these there’s links usually in my bio on any of these as well the links go to the same thing
to see i always will offer free services i always will offer
financial exchange for certain services and there will always be
you can always ask me if i’m currently offering a discount currently offering a scholarship if
money is an issue for you i believe in accessibility i want to continue to expand on my integrity of what i’m
offering and noticing what i can without resentment and in clear energy
offer willingly and for free and then what requires exchange based on how i’m showing up and what i’m doing and life
and living in capitalism i have to make money built up and paid right
so and guys speak up too you know if you’re if you feel called to uh drop lydia and i align in the groups we’re
part of to speak up you know we also if you want to be on a live like i love
collaborative energy absolutely we usually have done this with denny he’s taking a break right now at this point
so if you want to connect and be like i want to be on your next live oh then we can connect see if that’s a great
option we do this about once a month so you can join my email list any of these platforms we ideally will be posting so
you have access to the next one if you have a specific topic you want us to talk on that’s always interesting yes
and jimmy thanks for calling in yeah even if it’s just for three minutes it’s really cool and this is this ask us
anything is uh it’s been now the last tuesday of the month so it’s it’s one easier way to remember it and we we
tweaked the time a little bit here moved in an hour forward but yeah so just stay tuned for the time and
i think we’ve plugged enough uh yes yep thank you all for joining yes so
especially on technology what i appreciate is that even though we can’t see all of you there’s a collective
energy that everyone listening and tuning in whatever level of engagement you’re in right now are supporting this
you’re holding the container for this to happen by showing up by being part of it at whatever level you’re being part of
so i i want to share deep appreciation for you showing up whether you’re listening live or on the replay
because it’s supporting this expression it’s supporting this exploration it’s supporting your brain
shifting and how you’re listening what you’re agreeing with what you’re not what you’re learning from this what you’re going to take or not take
from it that’s obviously always up to you so i just want to share gratitude for
for this for all of you here today and i want to echo that you know even though we only live in the present
moment it’s interesting with these timelines right so wherever if you’re listening to this on
the replay you’re experiencing it in the present moment right that present homework is not this present moment but
even when i think about that it’s hap when i think about the future it’s still happening in the present moment right because it’s just a thought in the mind
i love it okay and we’re both on insight time or outside of these monthly so i try as
much as i can depending on my schedule to go on about once um once a week right now it’s been sunday morning or friday
morning probably it’ll be this sunday morning around 10 10 30 mountain standard time so you can always catch me there follow
me there and then you know i don’t know how often you’re on josh well you know i just noticed now not too long ago these
boxes in the background here to my this side right um yeah so i’m moving um
so i hadn’t had a lot of time to do lives last month i did do a few and i was traveling to i did one from the
tucson gym and mineral show and i was in alaska too so i didn’t get chance but i’ve got a long list of potential lives
so it varies anywhere from you know like i don’t know maybe eight times a month
to like last month was only a few but uh yeah i have plan once i move and i have
plans for plenty more so yep and i want to acknowledge i just noticed before we
finish someone left a comment 15 minutes ago so i just want to acknowledge it and if we each have maybe one short sentence
to offer sure so shredder said on youtube i’m looking for tips on feeling
my emotions in my body my mother did not do much attunement with me so i didn’t learn to attune
to my feelings in my body i am avoiding attached
right off the bat and this is lydia’s expertise here but i would say well
you know yes uh parents have a huge impact and i went through that a lot but once
we take self-responsibility you know um letting go of that and then they were
doing the best they can just like we were doing the best we can so now now what you know um how can i do this now
leaving uh setting them aside from the picture maybe you can come back to that through other means and methods but how do we do that now and now i’m forgetting
the other part of his question um we don’t know what gender shredder head
his or her or their question or is there i’m sorry what did i use i don’t even remember
i’m looking for tips on feeling my emotions in my body my mother did not do much attunement with me so i didn’t learn to attune my feelings in my body i
am avoiding attached the avoidant attach can be very helpful too however i i
don’t feel i mean maybe that has some relevance to feeling emotions in your body but the key there is how do i feel
emotions in my body that’s what needs to be addressed although it can be i’m not to to uh invalidate you know what you’ve
gone through in the influence the parents have and the label um uh i’m sorry uh whatever it was avoidant but
how can we focus now on how to feel emotions in the body and i’m gonna throw that to lydia because
that’s her cup of tea you know you i would almost have to sit and ask and talk more with the person for me to even
have a reference i mean lydia might have some tips in general though right so yeah that’s actually where i was going
to go neither of us are licensed trained therapists so take everything we say in response to your question completely
with a grain of salt yes we are humans sharing yes so
none of what we say has any bearing on your worth as a human or your experience
one of the things i would say with that context is your nervous system the fact that you’re
coming to this question shows a level of self-awareness that’s beautiful and amazing yes have a sense
of gratitude for yourself for coming with this desire for yourself maybe even place a hand on your heart in
this moment thank yourself for seeking for reaching for this
avoiding attached is a way that you your nervous system developed to stay safe based on your life based on what you’ve
gone through continue to cultivate self-compassion
seek out support in a way that feels like you have full consent over your process
and you can develop and feel and understand what safety means because
if we’ve got no matter what we’ve gone through our avoidance strategies our self-sabotaging our habits are always to
protect us from what doesn’t feel safe honor the fact that you have
maintained a level of safety with yourself and now you get to be curious of what is safety what is consent
what do i want from this who can help how can i show up for
myself at minimum start practicing having
compassion and gratitude for the fact that you’re here seeking this for yourself i do have
take it or leave it but i do have a 14 day meditation series on cultivating self compassion that you can start doing
right away it’s a very gentle way to we do somatic practices in it 10 to 15 minutes a day it’s free to anyone
it’s on my website you can get that through my link that might not be the right approach for you i just wanted to put that out there because it’s a free
thing but you can start getting curious what else is possible do i want to figure this out with support do i want to
figure this out on my own how is this going to feel safe moving forward can i continue to honor what
safety means as i continue to explore this potential this possibility for myself and can i take a moment right now to
just be grateful that i’m even asking this that i want to go in this direction that would be my response that beautiful
lydia i mean those heart qualities i mean yeah i couldn’t address those better i mean amazing um and this
technique right here even the double hand our hands are amplifiers and healers so if the heart isn’t open
enough yet this can help um amplify our heart to feel that sometimes we don’t want to feel emotions we shut down right
because it’s in a service to protect protect our nervous system right but this can amplify
and open what we’re feeling so now that also from a meditative context and kind of um
uh just a pure awareness type thing um there’s just some common things that happen around emotions for a lot of
people like anger okay the heat in the body so if we notice heat in the body
that’s often that’s often associated with anger right our joy can kind of feel like a bubbly uplifting thing right
uh fear can be kind of closed down and tightening just kind of more positive emotions in general tend to have a more
of an expansive uh feel in the body while um negative i mean i don’t like
words but you know like unbeneficial emotions kind of more compression and contraction in the body um and like nervousness
people will feel that in the gut sometimes so there’s certain types areas of the body some generalities that
people often report around emotions and you can look these up maybe lydia can help with those too
to maybe have kind of generalities to tune in to the certain areas of the body certain
effects around certain emotions and for any of you that do feel like you’re in a place where you feel safe to
feel your body to go into it to notice emotions a very very simple technique please listen to your own intuition and
consent for yourself is what emotion am i feeling if it were
somewhere in the body where would that be so the hypothetical if it were it lets the intellect kind of take a nap for a
second so that antarctica is like your emotions aren’t in your mind you know if it were somewhere in my body where where
is it if i were to describe it as sensation what would it be
and then sometimes like that doesn’t feel like enough if it had a need i could meet right now
what is it and then meet the need beautiful and it might not be that area of the body it might not be that motion
you can also ask is there a need i can meet for myself in this
moment while i’m experiencing this emotion it’s not do i have needs yes we all have
needs because that takes us off into la la land or like spiraling not being able to
meet it is is there a need in this moment i can meet for my body for my human
for this emotion whatever it is that that allows you to get immediate action immediate result builds trust in
yourself builds trust in your ability to tune in to listening and it comes back to the show up listen
up speak up that kind of that’s a mini process that you can try
as long like as long as it resonates with you as long as it feels safe as long as you feel like you can consent to that
process on your own very cool and one thing about safety that i’ve heard and i found this to be
pretty much the case um see if lydia what she says and then we’re gonna we’ll probably wrap up here is if you’re not
running for your life are fighting to stay alive like physically in an altercation
you’re safe enough to feel what you’re feeling right i disagree okay i want to hear if i’ve
got a little bit of time because if your nervous system is in a state of trauma it’s not safe to feel it might feel more
traumatic to feel it it might feel more traumatic to go there i consider safety as the ability to
regulate and come back to a state of regulation in your nervous system once you go into something if you do not have
the tools and a capacity to quiet your body to come back into a state of connection to yourself
it just might not be safe physically sure maybe it’s safe but emotionally psychologically
energetically breathwise that’s not necess it might not necessarily be safe so
again we’re not trying to i’m not trying to go into fear or anything but that’s where tools of like working with a
trauma therapist who really knows how to teach you the tools first then once you have these tools practiced
then you safely together go into whatever it is you want to process or explore i guess so that would be like
what do you do if find a trauma therapist who’s practiced in specifically somatic therapies which
is like mind-body therapies until you get to a therapist though you know i just i i guess i wasn’t
considering people that had dealt with like severe trauma and whatnot you know because
if they’re not doing anything at all you know you know what do they do you know if they if they can’t they don’t feel
enough well and that again what the hell did they do dealt with ptsd and it was not safe to
feel it was not safe to go into my body until it was so what do you do
you open up to questions like what else is possible show me
gratitude for the desire for moving towards that space you know you don’t just assume
and you acknowledge and continue to thank your nervous system for being in service of your safety and
survival continuing to there was a point in my life i could not function and i i was bingeing 10 15 hours of tv
per day was that wrong could i have judged myself sure did i judge myself 100
was that all i could do and the resource i had at that time which did the most minimal damage to me and my nervous
system as opposed to being binging on any other substance or anything else yeah i got to
thank myself for moving through that time when i did not have know how to feel safe in my body i did not know how
to feel safe with my emotions i didn’t even know how to safely relate to other humans because i would just immediately trauma dump onto them that would
overwhelm them you know i didn’t know how to safely find the right therapist
that period of time years ago was the safest thing i could do for myself and as i acknowledged and
validated my experience and started thinking myself it started giving me the confidence and the empowerment to no
longer treat myself like and to start being like what else is possible wait i don’t want to do this for the
rest of my life i’m really grateful that this is what i’m using sorry my weird ringtone
okay is there anything else that’s possible oh you know what i want to start getting cranial sacral therapy
that’s a really safe way to have someone co-regulate the space with me while i’m being in a very
soothing time and i get to depend on someone else holding the energy for me no words no
processing i’m on a table calming my nervous system i don’t have to be part of it intellectually i don’t
have to consciously try i just get to receive and practice knowing how to receive and feel safe in
receiving and that took a while and that was what that’s what started getting me out of where i was at that time so i
want to say traditionally we’ve been told if you’re not in a war if no one’s abusing you
you’re safe and i say that’s the old way that’s the old consciousness that doesn’t address
the nuance of collective trauma of personal trauma of the fact that
just so much so obviously i spoke up
that’s so cool and you know when like a lot of people don’t like this word but you get the drift right it’s
what we’ve already gone through then we’ve become heroes for people who are still going through the same thing and
so if you want to call it a mentor or um you know coaching or whatever so so anybody they
come across that has dealt with tr is in a lot of trauma i could potentially
refer them to lydia because lydia knows this forward and backwards not just through going to school but through
personal experience right and yeah and if i love this saying to if it could have happened any other way it
would have well and i want to say too yeah you can
point people in my direction but i’m not a licensed trained trauma therapist i have a lot of personality it comes with
i do have a lot of training in it but that’s not who i work with specifically though if you have no one else to reach
out to and you need the support of of someone helping you find a trauma therapist or someone who is trained in
trauma i’m trauma informed i’m not trained to handle trauma other than like
working with myself and understanding that every human has their own context of it while we work
together we’re not going into it good distinction sorry about that um
uh so it’s but you can do referrals then right so i’m glad you pointed that out yeah and that’s part of my
responsibilities to find good people to refer to find good networks and all that you know so that
so that no matter how much you reach out you you can feel safe on your own path with support
right on well i appreciate that the not correction but yeah explaining that to me and
i learned something there today because yeah i haven’t had huge experience with
traditional trump or what whatever type of thing that is so i know trauma-informed things are very um
helpful right now um and more and more people are getting into that too and just know that too
that if you’ve if you’re in a human body you don’t get out of here without experiencing some form of trauma i mean
it might be a lot more subtle than other people’s trauma but still we all to a certain degree i feel um have
experienced some form of trauma one way or another so with that
yeah thank you josh thank you lydia for showing up today
thank you everyone who’s tuning in either now live or as a reap as part of the replay
continue to ask questions continue to agree or disagree with us and
i look forward personally to the next time we do this and to connecting for with any of you
that want to connect doors open likewise
love and blessings uh to the most optimal and ideal degree for you all
have a wonderful day night evening morning whatever time zone you and when you’re listening in
perhaps we’ll catch you next time

Published by josh dippold

2 thoughts on “Show Up. Listen Up. Speak Up. | (2/22/2022 — “Ask Us Anything – LIVE” With Lydia Grace)

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