Fellow Insight Timer teacher Lydia Grace once again inspired the title of this “Ask Us Anything” — live, monthly, open-audience, open-discussions about meditation and related topics.
Recently on Lydia’s Insight Timer circle Embodied Living she said of her new three month training Radical Authenticity:
“When the energy of empowerment lies dormant in our psyche, we are giving our power away.”
Fear is a biggie. It keeps our truth dormant
So…you might say
I’m waiting for the right “timing”
I’m waiting to be ready
Ok cool.
Also get honest with yourself
Is that your deepest truth and intuition speaking?
Or is that what’s easy to hide behind
To avoid really truly being honest with yourself
That the timing AND your readiness
At this point is your life
Is when you step up and CHOOSE it
And you can be stuck in waiting essentially indefinitely
Is the waiting something you will regret later?
Then it’s probably a CHOICE you need to step up you
Are you afraid of not knowing how to handle what comes a result of truly embodying your power
In your relationship?
In your body?
In your job?
The knowing HOW is waiting for you to tap INTO it when you
CHOOSE READINESS now
Your radical authentic Self
Is nowhere to find
They are waiting for you to tap in
Choose
Lean in
With the fear
Now
courage is what you choose knowing the emotions you face and may face more of
You ready?
Choose YOU
Your life and your future self THANKS you
And ps
I got a 3 month training to show you ALL the how’s (that work)
Some of the topics we chat about, not necessarily in this order:
- defining readiness
- asking how
- visualization
- enthusiasm
- readiness in the body
- choosing readiness
- preparedness
- intent
- importance
- seriousness
- what are you not ready for?
- me: [consenting to the timelines of:] transhumanism and nuclear war
- overachieving
- order of operation
- priority
- discernment
- support
- competition
- cooperation
- not knowing (anything)
- (defining) success and failure
- perception
- habits
- The what’s and why’s of readiness
- Why society defaults to not being ready
- And a question from Ana: “Hi I have a question, please. You talked about self confidence. My son is 18 and struggles with this a lot. How can I help him?”
- fear
- worry
- concern
- care
Audio: Readiness | (3/29/2022 — “Ask Us Anything – LIVE” With Lydia Grace And Joanne Muir)
Check out Lydia’s 20 minute Readiness Recap of this Ask Us Anything for practical pointers and takeaways from the conversation
I welcome any inspired listener(s) to take and send show notes for inclusion here by emailing them to integratingpresence@protonmail.com
Find and connect with Lydia:
- https://www.massagebook.com/Vail~Massage~lydia-grace
- https://thelydiagrace.newzenler.com/home
- https://insighttimer.com/timewithgrace
- https://www.instagram.com/joyfulnomad
- https://www.facebook.com/lydiagracecoaching
Find and connect with Joanne:
The raw unedited YouTube transcription of this podcast:
welcome this is josh dipple from integrating presence and this is a monthly ask us anything
and today joined again by lydia grace and joanne muir joins again um
today’s topic is readiness um thought of so many different cliches
for this like are you ready for this or ready or not something like that you know um which
are okay but this comes from
lydia’s recent work with readiness and i think i’m just gonna toss it over
to her um instead of me trying to stammer around here and um kind of stab in the
dark of what is going on with this which doesn’t really go show much for my own
readiness here does it or maybe it does we’ll find out so lydia what is this
readiness thing um that you have going on now
could i be more vague we’re starting we’re starting on wisdom app we are on
insight timer we’re on youtube and we’re on facebook live so we’re on many different platforms right now so welcome
to any of you listening in live or to the replay readiness
well i always like to start with like how do we each define readiness
you know because i can just go into it but i i always like starting lives or or talks with like
giving questions back because it allows our each of us to be uniquely engaged and share our own
perspective of where we’re coming from uh readiness i did a live on insight timer
a few weeks ago on the topic of readiness and i was in discussion i believe with
my sister who is also a coach and we were talking about
asking how like how do i make more money how do i heal this relationship how do i know if i’m in the
right relationship whatever there’s we we tend to ask a lot of house to try to get like what do i do with
about where i want to go or how do i get there and i like to think when we’re asking
the question how it’s usually because our intuition is ready to show us
we’re kind of in a place in our brain where if we’re asking how we’re kind of
being closer to a space of wanting to actually follow through
but many sometimes we’re not where it’s like i want clarity on this how do i get there and readiness i think is like if
we’re asking the question how in life are we ready for the answer because a lot of times the answer
requires us to make a choice and so that’s kind of where i i have
come from in this topic you know and it i like sharing my perspective at any
given time in my life or phase or what i’m working with so i don’t ever think that i’m
infallible or more right than others but that’s kind of the perspective i’ve come from on this topic
so i’m curious to know what each of you define as readiness and
the perspective you’re coming from joanne you ready
see what you did there that was so clever yeah um so i sort of did so thank you
thank you thank you this is a really fun topic to play with um i sort of did a little word
association and i had all these um sort of words
come that i suppose elicited feelings within me or the feelings gave the words who knows
what came first but i had this sort of poised potential and action
um this curiosity and stuff so for me i think readiness is if i see myself
um starting to create action then it just gives me this like i must
be ready for it and i’m gonna work backwards because i know myself well enough to
all the times in the past where i have maybe given myself grief over not accomplishing or not doing things that i
know intellectually that i want to do that my ego knows might be next that makes sense
whether it’s like oh this would be next in a series of classes to give or this would be next for me to do in my career
my my life and if i’m not doing it i just give myself permission now to know i wasn’t ready i just wasn’t ready and
and i back off this kind of judgment because when there’s alignment and
action and there’s an excitement one of the words that came up for me is an excitement and that for me is kind of
when my body and my nervous system is ready to do something when there’s a natural organic excited
joy and enthusiasm towards taking action on something and if i don’t have it don’t get me wrong i don’t have to have
every single word on this sort of 100 word list show up for me to take action on something but it really is it’s
almost like this um nervous system you know like where everything is kind of like ding ding
ding ding ding um that’s my first i think response to
then taking action um lydia you might have said this word or maybe you gave me the idea of this word
um but there’s also a clarity around it for me so when i’m sort of like just unsure
of what it is that i’m trying to look at what i’m trying to be ready for how to get ready for something how to be more
prepared if i don’t have that clarity i feel like sometimes that’s also a sign that i’m not quite in that
readiness energy um so that’s how i would kind of start my perspective
on readiness are you ready josh i guess i’m up next
right ready to be ready or something like that right you ready to answer
are you ready you know probably not so what what about what’s
this fancy two dollar word like cataphatic or at a fat
the one where you go against the negation of something so what am i not ready for oh yeah um and it’s for grandiose things
here on a huge societal timeline i’m not ready for transhumanism merging with
machines i’m not ready for healer war
uh you know or any kind of huge massive warfare um
those are probably the big ones and especially with you know just to kind of start at a political
point in order to get out of a political point it seems like the pestilence pestilence programming is
kind of winding down from the corporate and government medias and the big social networks and influencers and now the
warfare programming is being ramped up you know beating the wardrobes
and so you know i’m not really ready for that what i’m ready for more is peace
and to jettison all that um preparedness on a just kind of more
mundane everyday level um joanne mentioned that so there’s some things
where we just like know like the back of our hand we as a royal we right
that we could do in our sleep like the back of our hand in our sleep like we don’t need any kind of
preparedness we just and natural ease and flow to it other things take a little preparation at least for me i can
make a few brief notes we’re getting some kind of feedback here um
but then there’s some things where i just i have to like totally prepare if i really want to have the drive to do
something then i need to just spend extra time preparing and i think yeah that that kind of volition to act as
well i mean we could be prepared all we think all the time but there’s still like this nervousness that we don’t
want to do something right um uh well there’s an another point here um
that i’m blanking on right now but i’m probably we’ll get back to it i think
as i’m as i’ve been listening to both you i wonder like
well i wonder what the difference is what is the difference between readiness and preparedness you know first because
when i think of readiness or what i came to this conversation with was readiness to do something new that you don’t have
any skills for so how prepared can you be in that sense
the preparedness is more of a commitment or a resolve to figure it out
and to be okay with being a beginner you know versus like you’re talking about something that you can do in your sleep
there’s a readiness in that case because it’s something that’s like almost your new default or
it’s it’s gone into the subconscious where you just know how to do it already
you know and i and for me like in the context of readiness when you’re
learning a new skill or working towards like healing trauma in your body when you
haven’t known how to do that before or even thought about it or you know things where it’s
a new experience opportunity where you don’t exactly even know what’s going to
come or how it’s going to look like what does it mean to be in your body someone might be like what does that
even mean and then it’s like am i ready to go there and be uncomfortable with
something i’m not even sure i understand yet for me i think readiness a huge part of
readiness is is consent are there any parts of me that are not consenting to this sort of like what you
were talking about joanne like if there’s a level of confusion and not a lot of clarity that might be
an example of okay maybe the invitation first is to get more clear
on whether this is the right timing or the right phase or i’m at the point where i can do this whatever it is you
know and like at this point we’re kind of more talking abstract i like to sometimes bring things down into like
what are you ready or not ready for in your day you know like for me
jumping out of bed when the alarm rings is i’m not usually ready
but the invitation for me can be like do i want is that something i want to be ready for do i want to get up in the
morning and be ready for my day right away or do i want to be okay with like randomly getting on my phone and zoning
out for an hour or two is that how do i feel about that and instead of you know a lot of times we
just go into judgment about different things in our day or i i use the the example of um
like you know diet culture is huge and has been for decades
and a lot of times i’ve noticed people want to like do a 30-day cleanse or lose
weight in 30 days and then they battle the whole time with not being able to do whatever they want
to do like eat healthy or you know whatever it is and i like to invite in but did you have
a conversation with your body was your body ready to do it or are you just trying to force something on your body
and then there’s going to be resistance and you think you’re failing but your body’s like i just don’t want to do this right now
and i use that example because i’ve done that where in the past i would like force a cleanse on my body thinking i
should do it right now because of what i’ve read or this program is starting and i want to save money because of the discount or whatever
and when i have gone into tuning into my body and saying
can we do this now many times my body’s like not yet wait till dot dot dot but
be ready when i’m ready like get ready to be ready and i’ll let you know
and then it’ll be easy and i’ve done that before where one time i don’t know i think i was feeling a
little bloated or like noticing i was eating a lot of carby stuff you know and
maybe i had gained weight or something i don’t know but it was more like i wanted to start eating
more greens and like raw foods and everything but it was in the middle of the winter and so i checked in with my
body and my body was like this isn’t i was like winter winter colorado and my body was like this isn’t the time
i’ll start craving salads probably closer to when the weather changes
but you need to get your mindset and your body and your willingness ready so that when i start one you can
notice and then two you’re ready for the discipline of shifting without it being a problem
mentally or psychologically or emotionally you know and so i was able to go into
readiness for that to happen and when it did my body did naturally start craving healthier foods and it was like within
days i had shifted so much in my microbiome in my body that i think if i had tried
in the middle of the winter when my body was craving more root vegetables and soups and other
things it wasn’t going to have a similar effect you know so i think
i see a large part of readiness as our can we cultivate that conversation
within ourselves is there any part of me that’s not ready and if so why or what and is that gonna
be a deal breaker or is that just like fear that i can be okay with while
i move forward into something or is it something that’s legit that’s gonna adjust my timing that i can like
respect where i’m at like i’m gonna take on this new business venture but like you’re totally overwhelmed in your life
there’s no way you could actually do it yet and so you have to move through the transition of other things in your life
first and then there’s going to be a space where you’re more ready to do it later you know so
that’s i feel like that’s kind of an interesting conversation that i don’t see talked about a lot is is are we
actually checking in with ourselves to see if there’s any part of us that’s not consenting and if there is is that
is that does that become the voice of decision or is that just a voice we can recognize and honor
and still go forward i wanna um i wanna talk to that i appreciate that i i
scribbled this term order of operations um and then thinking about a lot of my work is about
reading perceiving kind of dancing with communicating with energy whether i’m doing bodywork or
channeling or coaching or sound or whatever whatever it there’s this order of operations and i really appreciate
you saying that lydia too because sometimes if i’m going to you know pick up a certain sound tool or
my brain says because a client’s coming in maybe presenting with certain symptoms that i should work liver or whatever the case is but then if i
actually check the body really what needs to happen first is something else before i can do that and
then there is a readiness because i did this sort of order of operations is like a term that comes up for me and so it
doesn’t always mean that i can’t do anything it sometimes means that there’s just a few things to do first before i can
do the next thing um and then that creates a flow and so some people think oh you know i
don’t know if you guys have seen it’s like a cute meme that sort of says you know um life direction or life ascension
or whatever and it’s like a point here and a point here in a straight arrow and then it says what actually happens and
it’s like the spaghetti lines you know whatever and and so it’s like yeah you know we think we’re ready to be there
but universe body consent life happenings timing all these other variables say actually you’re gonna do
this and you’ll get there so for me sometimes i say i might call
upon readiness and then i see the way or i’ll call readiness and i might see the blocks or i’ll call readiness and i’ll
call in the right the right coach or the right you know um person will come to me or something like that so it’s funny
because in the beginning when we were talking i was thinking of this like readiness coming from like small atomic
habit kind of action based you know ascension and then as i was realizing there’s also another way that
sometimes i just sort of mantra okay i’m ready for this and then all of a sudden either the way or the things to work
through will show up post so you know obviously the many paths lead to rome but um it was
kind of interesting but definitely this idea of like you’re saying consent um
but also just that there might be a different way and if we can’t see it this way there might be um another way
or multiple ways and i think for me whichever one creates more flow
whichever one is easier which is not always the way i practiced in my life i’ve tried harder
so that now i know easier feels a lot better it’s a whole new method i’m trying by
the way i’m saying you guys should try it
it’s really fun so um yeah so i really appreciated you saying that
there’s a question that like i’m curious about too is like what
how you know readiness is a very abstract term if it was to be less abstract like how
do we know we’re ready like physically mentally psychologically emotionally
like what are what are indi indicative factors
for us to feel confident in in like not just saying i’m ready and
then our whole body’s like another f you aren’t you know how do we know we’re ready like what do
we see within our emotions or our mind or our psychology or our physiology
i want to uh maybe come back to that i want to pick up on what’s been said too
and but i would say just a short answer to that those first things coming to mind is
self-trust plays a big part of that so trusting in oneself trusting that the
process whatever happens or doesn’t happen is is probably the best um outcome that’s gonna that’s meant to be
right now um i don’t know maybe that’s totally off base but i think this at what what i
keep getting at the root fundamental importance of this is what is the
whatever you you’re you feel you’re ready for you’re not ready for what is the importance behind that what
is the intent for carrying this out and we had a whole show on intent before right impact and intent but why are you
even doing this right what is it important or is it coming from what kind of is it coming from just um it could be
coming from all kinds of things competition i want to be like that person or maybe i’m inspired by that person um it could be an emotional thing
oh i will feel so amazing um when i do that when i accomplish that it could be your peer pressure right um again that
no my my social group is doing this so i need to do that or do something similar they might find that they might get more
honor and respect they might value validate me more if i if i do this um
and how serious are we about it you know a lot of times i know people get really enthusiastic as they say i want to do
this uh which is is great but i mean um which there’s no there’s no reason to
look down on that but i would just say gauge our seriousness uh level two and
not like really oh i this is so serious i’m not gonna have any fun doing this you know it’s just like is this
something we can joke about or is this something we really want to spend time and effort pursuing
there’s this saying called um um don’t let your um sometimes your eyes
can be bigger than your stomach some people will see something there’s like oh i want all of that but then they
you know they can’t eat it so i was i’m thinking about that now not to take the air out of any tires here um
but to flip this around you know um what about for overachievers
you know people that just achieve achieve achieved like these serial doers accomplishers which um i’m not saying
lydia’s one but i i don’t know why i don’t know right i look at her instagram lately pointing
out lydia i’m not saying you’re one of them she does all these amazing things i’ve just seen these videos um that all these
amazing somatic feats let’s just call that maybe um just kind of blew me away seeing
those so what if everybo you know just i know nobody’s really at this level let’s say that pretty much every let’s say
somebody accomplishes everything they put their mind to won’t they just for devil’s advocate
here won’t they eventually get bored with achieving and doing so then it’s interesting that you’re
associating achieving and readiness oh yeah good point what i mean like i’m noticing
like you’re you’re assuming readiness means
doing and the the question i have is like
what led you there yeah and because readiness can be readiness for
stillness when you prepare yourself for meditation it’s
preparing readiness for your mind to be quieter or for you to become into your body so it’s interesting that you went
into readiness and then overachieving and people that succeed too much and then what’s the problem and you know so i’m
curious as to how you got there you know because it’s interesting how we um
go into story with certain terms you know and uh and and
it makes me wonder is readiness there is readiness in society that
concept associated with productivity because that’s interesting that you went that you know because a lot of times and you
mentioned readiness maybe equal self trust a lot of people that work with me as a coach
come because they want to develop self-trust so it’s not even they’re not necessarily
in that space of saying they’re coming because they’re ready for the embodiment coaching or the
one-on-one or group or whatever but it’s interesting because many people show up for the embodiment coaching
because that’s what they want to cultivate you know so that also is interesting do you have to have self-trust
for there to be readiness because i mean i don’t know the answer to that like because it’s going to be uniquely answered by each person you
know but i’m curious to know what you were going to say joanna i was going to say you know why aren’t we ready and then that support that
speaks to the support too right big part of my journey too is allowing support i had to do everything myself
uh it helped so much but why aren’t we ready too and then actu actually take lydia’s question first please
[Music] oh i was just gonna say i thought that was an interesting point to make too and i was listening to you josh it’s like
does readiness equal uh you know action and success and not that i’ve
ever resonated with overachieving energy so i’m going to go hypothetically
sometimes i think overachieving could be you know for me what came up is like oh but are they really ready or are they pushing past readiness you know there’s
been a lot of times in my life where i’ve pushed my body mind soul spirit past readiness and just sort of into
action based on i loved what you were saying josh too by you know peer pressure or within my field an element of pressure
to sort of match or or you know rise up or hit a certain level or cultural pressures or whatever the
case is so you know looking back sort of like in retrospect in this conversation like oh all those things that i did and
some the answer may be yes to some of it they may be you know sort of squiggly line maybe to others but was i really ready or did i
just do and so it was kind of interesting lydia thanks for pointing that out because that stuff was kind of coming up for me
too that i thought was interesting when you were speaking josh yeah and the peer pressure that you were
speaking to too it helped it made me remember or like one of the things i noticed when i when i started my online
business a couple years ago was this kind of huge amount of pressure that i
noticed in the coaching world of people needing to make six figures as soon as possible and this like um it was almost
less about coaching and more about how much money you’re making which to me i was like wow like
you know i would think coaching is about you know life and stuff but but kind of
the loudest voices that i noticed from what i was on so of course it’s my own perception in this
was really focused on how quickly can you make the most amount of money and i was like that’s interesting because
that’s another level of capitalistic conditioning so our coaches saying like
what’s the message here is it about your skills as a coach or is it about the money you’re making
and in capitalism money tends to kind of trump other things when it goes off balance we see that in medicine we see
that in politics we see that everywhere like especially in american culture and in war you know like we had briefly
touched on before but i i thought it was interesting because as i have been
building my online business at the pacing that i’m learning is best for me
there i have noticed a lot of pressure external pressure of i should be making more money i should have more clients
and when i come into tuning into my body i’m like but i’m not ready for that and i don’t
want to be ready for that yet like at some point i want to be ready to increase my speed
but my integrity says do this in a way that’s going to honor your body you’re not trying to over go
into overwhelm and burn out this isn’t like let capitalism go for a moment what’s
your vision kind of like what you were saying what’s your why and is the does the why match
some of these social constructs that could be helpful pressure because
sometimes social pressure helps us to see our blind spots or see things that
we weren’t aware of or motivates us in a way that maybe we couldn’t or didn’t have as much awareness to motivate
ourselves you know so social pressure itself can be neutral and even our interpretation of it you know that’s was
my interpretation someone else might have a completely different experience of what if i if they were exposed to the
same things i were i was you know so there’s that it just you know
my mind associated with some of the experiences i’ve had around the trying to make myself be ready for
something based on something that didn’t really have to do with tuning in to being connected with myself and when i
was able to come into connection with myself the readiness showed up as are you ready
to take this slowly are you ready to honor your pacing while noticing that there’s a part of
you your ego or your bank account that maybe wants more or wants something different
are you ready to move into the direction that you can ha like have a lifestyle i mean
have an income and vision and passion that supports what you want in life and
you know whatever and of course that’s talking about the business and a lot of times when i talk about
readiness like with clients it’s more about like internal readiness to like notice your what’s happening
inside are you ready to like go into an inner conversation with yourself are you ready to like cultivate the
skills of personal and interpersonal communication
there’s a couple things coming up for me i thought about that you said um oh you might have said pace
but the words rhythm and cadence and things were coming up for me because my cadence of readiness when i was younger
is different than it is now and i see that sort of anthropological evolution i see you know learned lessons of when i
used to you know sort of respond really quickly ready really fast you know jump on things really quickly and now i just have a
really different cadence and rhythm and pace around that um and it’s not
it’s not anything good bad and different it’s just different and you know and i was thinking about oh how
much you know energy i used to have when i was younger but also did that work for me did that not work
for me so there’s a wisdom now to my readiness that i didn’t have in my 20s you know it’s just kind of fun to see
like oh the readiness um comes up in different ways and
i really enjoy being ready for my day now after movement and meditation whereas
once upon a time maybe readiness of my day was like i can’t wait to get out the door and take another class and take another
training or whatever the case is you know and so it’s just kind of fun to um like have the opportunity to see that as
we’re talking um and then other side of my brain uh kind of trip switched when you were
saying that about conversation with your body lydia because i know a lot of people that i work with when we’re doing you know embodiment
coaching verbal processing and especially uh channeling truths and stuff it’s like oh my gosh is there a readiness to see this truth is there a
readiness for that truth to become a lie for you where a new truth can become you know real for you those are really
beautiful internal intrinsic conversations and paradigm shifts
that i know people are having and and that readiness to be on the journey where you say okay i’m gonna go through
a transmutation a change you know it could be a 10-year rest of your life
journey right it could be a one session thing um but so then another word that came up
when we were just having that part of the conversation is uh courageous like another synonym for me it’s like readiness can be courage
you know it can be like i don’t know if i’m ready but i’m sort of ready but maybe i’m ready but if i have the right help i could be ready or
the right trust like you were saying uh josh so it’s really beautiful to be opening this up and see all the
see all the really sweet elements of it too one thing coming to me too now is the
this whole culture we have in the west um lydia mentioned capitalism and i’m not
going to go into that because i don’t think there’s anything really wrong at the root of making money just the system that we’re in but we don’t even have
true capitalism ever it’s all based that aside on competition right
so there’s so much competition we’re conditioned from a very early age to compete
what about cooperation right and with the competition comes the fear of
failure and so when we’re afraid to fail at something right that’s a big that’s a
biggie um so we all start where we’re at right it becoming comfortable with
that you know we’re not gonna go if we start you know training in triathlon we’re not gonna be
able to set a world record on the first time you know extreme silly example but um some people want to get to the end
point right away and if they can’t do it right away well then they give up it’s not worth it so again you know what’s
the importance of that um joanne talked about the order of operation and i think
for just everybody in everyday life maybe a translation of that would be priority you know we see all these
things that we were not ready for we would like to be ready for and we are ready for well what
is the priority level you know what needs more readiness what needs less readiness at the time you know and an
order of importance and this is where discernment can come into developing discernment skills to be
able to do that and then wield that sword of decisiveness to just make those
decisions and choice is a huge matter in this lydia talked to the very beginning about choice
and then um you know the the overachievers i thought of
another thing with this that you know if let’s just say hypothetically someone’s achieve anything they
put their mind to or they’re ready for everything um you know bring anything on so then
if let’s just say that’s the case well then what would be the next step of that it would be achieving non-achievement
which is kind of silly to think about but if you think about it actually you can achieve not achievement
by doing nothing you know it’s kind of a weird way to flip everything on its head
if we’re like looking you know putting so much emphasis on
um goal accomplishing i guess so i mean we can have a goal to do nothing too
um and you know the one at one other thing to support that
you know there’s so many great amazing people out there and i think when we align with
goodness mighty forces come to our aid aligning with goodness and calling in our support being open to having support
meeting people getting references but the biggest thing i want to wrap up
on here and i’ll pass the mic is the truth thing joanne mentioned about truth and some people
for me that’s one of my top priorities all the time is truths but i know not everybody’s like that because
truth can scare people to death it it will destroy the world you used to live in too truth can do that you know uh and
so people are deathly afraid of it they want to be reassured that what they believe
is the truth right they don’t really want the actual truth they just want to be assured and comforted that what they
already believe is you know true but belief is only really necessary if we don’t know ourselves right
so if we know for ourselves then there’s no need to believe anymore no it’s just like if somebody were to tell you oh
there’s this thing called a bicycle and you’ve never seen a bicycle before and they tell you all about it you know you can ride it and it looks cool and you
know it saves gas but uh and you say oh yeah i really believe there’s this bicycle it would be so cool to release
so once you see a bicycle you get on it you write it there’s no need to believe it anymore you already know it right
so with truth though is a great power and responsibility as well because it’s
when to wield it um and we do it kindly at the right times um
you know we do it to bring people together and not divide people um
and it’s got to be helpful unless necessary i think a lot of times
especially now in society there’s a lot of people saying it’s you’re being divisive and it’s like if standing up for truth means dividing
people then that’s necessary you know like standing up for what’s right in in a society of
wrong then that’s going to look divisive
and i think that’s a lot of times when we’re unwilling to look at our shadow selves
we hide behind unity and peace rather than disruption because like i just said sometimes truth take
out our past entire reality and it’s very unsettling and ungrounding
and i pray i really like the nudity i really like what you said
you mentioned i think you mentioned failure at one point and i i like well first of all i just want to put just say
to anyone on any of these platforms youtube insight timer wisdom app and facebook if you have any
questions feel free to drop them into the conversation because that’s always wonderful to have you know people join
in that are listening in so we welcome your questions and feedback and thoughts um
but i also thought you know one of the things that i’ve seen in myself but also in
a lot out there it’s very vague um when we we think we’re ready for
something but a lot of times we’re not ready for failing at it
so like i’m gonna start a business i’m gonna drop my job and start this new thing and then all of a sudden it’s hard and you’re not
seeing results and it’s not working and there’s there’s a failing that’s necessary for especially when it’s any
new skill like i’m ready to set boundaries but then you don’t but there’s a fear
because or you try to and then it starts a fight and then all of a sudden you just think it doesn’t work
are you ready to face the discomfort and failure that is inevitable when you’re stepping into
shifting anything in your life and that has really really helped me and i think it’s in that book atomic
habits by james clear we’re part of the preparedness that you spoke to earlier josh is is the preparedness for failure
many times true readiness is the ability to adapt
to the mistakes and the failure that are going to show up that and that either are going to show up are
likely like the resistance that comes with starting to eat healthier going into a detox the resistance that comes
with shifting the dynamics of a relationship and starting to stand up for yourself or or start speaking up
with boundaries and or because if you’re going to speak up with boundaries there has to be a
readiness to honor someone else speaking up with their boundaries you know because a lot of times people
aren’t ready for the fact that if they say a boundary someone’s going to come back at them with another one
you know and so if you’re if you if you think if you’re wanting to be ready to set boundaries are you equally ready for
someone to set boundaries with you and to feel the ego hit on your end that you might have been also crossing
boundaries so there’s a you know what is readiness
and and can we even if we’re we think we’re ready and then we fail can we come back to another understanding of
readiness after that or i want to say perceived failure because i think a lot of fails are not actually fails they’re
just part of the process and we perceive them as fail because it feels uncomfortable
or we don’t necessarily know how to navigate it yet i think in that case you know yoga
meditation all the practices that um that we three love so much um you know really comes to mind because it’s
sort of like back to the drawing board you know if we can we can be ready for it may not work the way we thought
or at least at this moment you know aka failure or however we perceive that not
what we thought response right let’s just totally redefine failure um
but that vulnerability you know that that is being spoken a lot about in our culture which is great or just that like
oh i didn’t realize i was going to fall flat on my face or whatever you know it’s really great to have um i say like
an etch-a-sketch to people you know can you just just sketch that like oh okay that drawing just looks like this looks
awful right now i’m just gonna shake it up and what both josh and lydia you were both
saying is like i thought about that you know truth to lie to new truth i mean i joke with a friend i’m like you know
they say one door closes another door opens and i’m like yeah but they don’t tell you you might sit in a hallway for ten years without even knowing if a door
or window is going to open and like wow do you really have to trust patients and is this failure or not failure am i
supposed to get really close or is there air in here you know like it’s like really fun to break these cliches open
right um and have readiness be you know for discomfort or or micro wins that then
aren’t like major wins or you know so like you’re saying readiness to like not know what the bleep we’re doing at all
here is maybe what my adulthood is all about right now is i know nothing about this
show me like that’s probably my readiness prayer that i come at as much as possible right not gonna
say i do it every day but um my shaman and i you know channel for each other a lot and like i swear we just like pass
the conch to each other each week and be like um your mantra is you know nothing about this and then next week we’ll see
your mantra is now i know and i’m pretty sure that’s just what we say to each other every week which i
think is our readiness prayer so you know just the you know ability to come back to that cushion of matt was
kind of coming up for me as you were speaking lydia like okay that didn’t necessarily not work
and can i just sort of realign and you know have the courage like you were saying um
to revisit the truth josh or you know be open to it was another way and i
didn’t see one more thing that came up when when you guys were both talking about that that failure and the readiness with failure um when i was a
kid i was a show jumper and i mean yeah you have adrenaline but you don’t have you know you have adrenaline as a 13
year old that um i don’t have now but my coach at that time my my equine coach
she would tell us she probably totally made this up and good for her if she did
that you had to fall seven times to be considered a true writer so talk about readiness we were like throwing
ourselves off the horses i only have four today i’m gonna make sure i throw myself off this horse three
more times you know so like we had this eagerness to fail so that we could be considered masters at something so it
was like i said she could have totally made it up she probably did i mean why would why would that be written anywhere
so it was a really sweet readiness of like oh my gosh we’re ready so much to sort of get there
uh that we’re willing to you know fail i saw a speaker the other the other day
maybe the other month i don’t know you know whatever um and they were talking about
it was a woman ceo of some company i forget and she talked about when she was young
her and her brother you know they would sit around the dinner table with their parents and their dad would ask them
every day what if you failed at today and it was and she said that was one of the foundational that that was a huge
foundation for the rest of her life because it wasn’t what did you succeed at it wasn’t this reach for
perfectionism and uh like some sort of narrow product definition of productivity it was
are you what have you been courageous to try and didn’t do well but are adapting to
you know and she said he was almo he was almost disappointed when they didn’t have something they
failed at that day you know um and so i really i loved that because why are we
afraid of failure because failure is to be human is to fail like
as babies we have to fail a million times to learn how to crawl and to sit up and to chew
to talk to walk like that is all of development is moving through failure
perceived failure to learn like you cannot learn without failing
so why have we created this fear around it and allowed that to stop us
you know that’s it so a sign of trying right it must be a sign
of effort and vulnerability and readiness i have this
new practice i’m going to um adopt for myself like for the next few weeks just sit on the cushion in the morning and
ask myself what am i ready for today and just kind of see what comes that’d be a fun thing to do for 21 or 8
make here we’re gonna um let joanne go here pretty
soon i just wanted to say this it’s still guys it seems like this is framed a lot in competition and i know it’s
really hard to have a reference point a non-competition although
lydia mentioned development that’s not necessarily competition in a way maybe but you know failure it’s cliche but we
only fail if we don’t learn from it right um you know we learn from our failures
um we get better we learn things also success
why can’t we define our own success why do we have to look outside of ourselves and look at other reference points and
things for success we can the perception is really key here so we can define what a success is and even a
next level beyond that is there’s a classic saying from the
teravata text winning gives way to hostility losers lie down in pain the wise have set aside
winning and losing so framing everything like we’ve been conditioned that if it’s a win or a loss
you know there’s winners losers not to say miss congeniality or congeniality contest here or whatever but you know
i i think i like to really look deep at you know why are we competing
what are we considered an achievement um you know what is important to to succeed
and fail at how are we defining where are we getting our definitions for these you know
how can we tweak our perception to see these differently you know what’s skillful what’s wise what’s
what’s going to be helpful um to perceive these things in these ways
so i guess with that we’re going to let joanne go but before she goes
joy and tell people where you uh people can find you what you got going on and things like that and feel free to pick
this up or anything like that too yeah no i appreciate it i um i loved being on the call thanks for
thank you thank you um at the moment facebook instagram and twitter just
jumped on twitter recently enjoying it so far um and website is just my name joannemuir.com
um classes coaching and events and that sort of thing are
i do a lot of sound and vibrational medicine work um an on an online class coming there
a fun class and be your own shaman um i have a degree in human development and consciousness
studies but i also have 20 years of sitting with shamans planted in the jungle with plants and
and shamans it has been some of my favorite trainings um and i really enjoy where the indigenous
meets the modern and sort of applying these indigenous models to a modern world to help navigate us but also help
us remember uh how we even got from good berries bad berries to putting people on the moon
right from really beautiful practices there so um it’s been really fun so if anybody sort of wants to know a little
bit more about start dates and things like that either email me through my website or just follow on a um
excuse me one of the platforms and and message me and stuff and i’d love to come back and chat with you guys again
there were so many topics that i think came up from this one so i can’t wait to see what you pick next and we have 25
more times we’re going to talk every day for the next 364 days so take time off for like
one day i you know and we easily could we could probably talk which clearly is how ready we are
and for anybody just listening it’s j-o-a-n-n-e and then the last name m-u-i-r right
thank you yes and so that’s going to be your tag on any of those platforms yes so i think i’m joanne underscore on
instagram but on the rest of them uh joanne muir so yes thank you lydia thank you both
thank you i’m right thank you bye
bye bye so lydia do you want to pick up anything
i said or what was the question you threw out there that i don’t think anybody picked up on too i can’t
remember now exactly what it was well what what are determining factors that we can each kind of cultivate to
know our readiness for anything you know because a lot of times i’ve
noticed there’s a lot of focus on the mind mindset
and not a lot of people i mean there’s some like little niches here and there but there’s not a lot of focus on
is your mindset in alignment with your nervous system and your body you know
because i can all day long say affirmations i am strong i am strong i am strong but if i’m in a trauma
response my my prefrontal cortex is shut down there’s not blood going there it’s going to my amygdala my amygdala is
going into a hijack and my body’s in a constant state of stress so then by me trying to force myself to
change my mindset when physiologically i’m not getting any blood flow to the front of my brain for that to even
happen am i truly ready for what i’m trying to step into
a readiness is can be because sometimes we’re ready to
start learning how to go into more of a body experience and many of us don’t even know what that means
so what are the how do we know readiness how do we know if i was to check in with
myself on all levels am i ready for what i want to be ready for my desire is readiness
how do i know if i’m truly ready you know and we talked about a lot of abstract like philosophical ideas that
went in a lot of directions but if we were to bring it back to like the practicalities of like today things
you have to get done today because sometimes i’m going to choose readiness even though i don’t feel ready
i’m going to choose and that’s where i think joanna was talking about like courage courage is the
willingness to move forward even in the face of discomfort or fear or not quite knowing the whole story you know and
i think there’s a there’s a courageousness to readiness especially in
like am i ready to face the truth of this situation that i might
have blind spots to you know am i ready and do i have readiness to face the fact that i have
unconsciously or subconsciously been conditioned to say micro aggressions
in various ways whether it’s related to race gender sexual identity
socioeconomic class you know like is there a readiness within me to be uncomfortable to face truths
that i’m either in denial of have blind spots to or have been conditioned to ignore
in order to move forward into greater integrity in the directions that i want to go in my life
you know and that almost can have nothing to do with productivity or these success failures
that we’ve kind of been talking about though i see again this readiness and failure not necessarily in the productivity level
but on the interpersonal and interpersonal level you know so there’s a curiosity of like to anyone
out there listening to the live or the replay how do you determine within yourself
what readiness is psychologically emotionally energetically spiritually
physically maybe even environmentally you know like is your environment ready to support
this shift you know and again a simple example is i want to start eating healthier but every cupboard in my
kitchen has junk food i might be ready psychologically or like have the desire
to be ready but if i don’t shift my environment to support a new habit
i’m not really guaranteeing a path forward i’m not really supporting myself
to shift my mentality or how i’m treating my body or
you know etc if i if i have a desire to be ready to
be healthier in my relationship or to understand how to repair conflict have i cultivated
readiness in myself of practices to regulate my emotions of practices to
center myself when i’m not in conflict you know so there’s also this
how are we adjusting our environment internally and externally to support our desire for readiness in anything
we’re choosing to do it’s really it’s really important you know the and then also
are we ready to know this for ourselves you know i talked about having support
but are you really ready to do let’s say you you had to do this yourself because that’s where the most
support is going to come from eventually right no one will know how to support you as much as yourself eventually i
would think right now habits are really important right because these these habit patterns if
you do something for 20 years and then all of a sudden you expect to just pop out of it overnight well it’s
gonna take some effort right and i i’m doing the series now on the idi pada they’re also called the roads to power
the roads to success and these are not necessarily are not necessarily just needed in spiritual pursuits but just
about anything there’s four of them and let’s translate them this way it’s desire lydia just talked about that to
have a you know a healthy desire um for for whatever you’re trying to
accomplish or do or be ready then there’s an intent and we’ve talked a bunch about that then there’s
persistence too to keep at it to keep giving it energy uh effort and then
discernment so we can tell what’s helpful what’s not what’s you know leading towards our readiness what’s
leaning away from it um and then i still think that this why aren’t we ready to
really sit and contemplate you know um you know or how will we be ready why aren’t we ready right now
anyway you know what’s what’s the entrances even i love that you have brought this up a
couple times in the conversation because i i tend to stay a little bit more away
from the why because the y tends to go into past and spiraling sometimes for
over analyzers like me um i would reframe it instead of why aren’t
we ready what does it look like when i’m not ready compared to when i am because a lot of we learn
behavioral psychology says the a lot of times a very fast way to
learn is through contrast you know so the contrast of what does it look like to be ready it might be easier
for me to understand that if i were to be like what is it when i’m not ready rather than why wouldn’t i be ready
what what shows up when i’m not ready for something because then i’m not going into analyzing or judging my behavior i’m
coming at it more from an observing perspective what does it look like when i am ready what does it look like when
i’m not ready and i love what joanne said earlier in the conversation about sometimes there’s a feeling of oh i’m
ready and then it doesn’t work out and that is actually an indication that there wasn’t a
readiness for it yet and then i had a different perspective of
there might have been a desire for readiness but there might not have been a preparedness for readiness and so it
doesn’t necessarily mean you weren’t ready it just means you need to dig a little deeper you know like you kind of mentioned the timeline
and i like to also say like if you’re if you’re showing up to be ready for something not only are you ready are you are you
can you ask the question am i ready for this to not work out the way i want or for there to be perceived failure or
mistakes but am i in this for the long haul like what is my timeline of
readiness is this something i want to do for like 30 days and try out and then reassess whether i’m ready to continue
and or like for my business i have continued to come back to this
question of is there a readiness for this to be a long thing and if not
what why are you doing it and if there is a readiness for this to be the long haul
what are things that you can do now to create forward momentum and then what are the things that you can do for the
long-term momentum you know like the sprint and the marathon looks very different as far as like the muscles
we’re using in our body physiologically but that’s it’s it can be a good metaphor for like are you in this
relationship for the long haul what are the things you’re cultivating for the marathon
of the relationship and what are the things you’re creating for the sprint like there’s some repair that needs to happen because you just had a fight
yesterday that’s more of sprint energy but then there’s also this cultivation of marathon energy of i this
relationship matters to me i want this to last years so what are the things that i can look at
to cultivate readiness around to really dedicate coming back to myself when there’s a
misstep when there’s repair that’s needed cultivating practices within myself cultivating practices together as
a couple or friendship or you know whatever that is so there’s kind of also
we didn’t touch on too much before the the readiness of like what is your timeline
around your readiness is this something you want to dabble in are you ready to dabble are you ready to commit and
resolve like and do whatever it takes or you know so
there’s a lot of questions that i think probably have just come up from this conversation more probably more so than
even answers but that’s not necessarily a negative thing that’s right and i i like to just toss questions out there
with really it’s okay if they’re answered it’s okay if they’re not um it just it will give us more possibilities
and probabilities with more questions actually uh it’s a good point you brought up this why so thanks for that
the distinction on kind of more of the the how you were saying right and then um the what what
what allows us i believe the what allows us to stay more in the present moment the why a lot of times takes us into the
past and a lot of times we go into the past we’re going into old narratives or beliefs and then we go into like
justifying you know i mean i speak from personal experience
everyone i’ve ever met but i’ve noticed that about myself that’s an adjustment that’s a cognitive reframe i have
learned to kind of prevent the spiraling or over analyzing
because the what has allowed me to come more into the observing mind and like meta awareness
rather than identification with analysis it is and i was thinking more of instead
of with the y is kind of more than a contemplative nature but yeah if it falls into you know past personal
stories then it’s not helpful at all you know i’m thinking kind of more on a general level of this and which brings me to the
next point of it just this hopefully won’t be perceived as
some kind of invalidation but it almost seems like this whole thing is framed as we’re not ready and we need to
be ready right so what it well yes well you know we’re ready
go ahead i don’t think i don’t think readiness is subconscious i think it’s an actual proactive choice we’re making so i do
come from the premise of if you’re not choosing readiness i don’t necessarily think you’re ready
if you you know because i believe i believe and and this again comes from personal
experience but also working with thousands of clients i’ve worked with between close to thirteen
thousand people now in my different practices and if you’re coming to get a massage or
coming to a yoga class but you haven’t chosen to be ready for what that entails
there’s going to be a lot of resistance that comes up and without the choice and the conscious decision to be ready
the resistance is going to look like failure or is going to be confusing
but when you are more proactive about choosing readiness you have more of an ability to notice
what factors are coming up as resistance of lack of readiness or again the resistance might
be a lack of consent for the timing or you know so because you know right now as an embodiment coach i have clients
that want to work with me and our initial sales call is to determine the readiness are they ready
for my style of coaching the investment of time and money that’s required and
personal focus you know are they ready for the certain timelines and if there’s not a readiness there’s no criticism on
that because a lot of times it’s about timing or about budget or about other things and i’m not
here to try to convince anyone to be ready for anything they’re not ready for i’m here to invite people into noticing
what is readiness for you and if you are ready are you ready to commit to that readiness because if you’re not ready
for like coaching you might be ready for therapy or you might be ready for self-paced courses or
listening to lives like we’re doing right now you know and so i really do believe readiness
can is only a choice can only come from being a choice you know and what you spoke to at the
beginning of our conversation of things that like is has almost come to the point of it feeling innate or like we
don’t even have to think about it or not it came from a reading a choice of readiness before
beautiful yeah to learn that come into that process so that we it could be subconscious or it could be just
not we don’t even have to think about it anymore you know this is beautiful and you put it really in practical terms
here at things that you know in a way that people are going to be able to apply it to you know
things in life and especially for possibly working with lydia right i guess maybe i could frame this in a larger
societal what frame work why do we default
to having to be ready instead of not already being ready you know why is the default i’m not
ready i need to be more ready and it seems to be that way throughout society i would think on on the most part right
i mean just majority of people if i had to you know guess it’s probably not going to be that helpful just make a
sweeping generalization like this but it seems more people would rather be ready than not ready but
they aren’t so i mean readiness readiness requires
that we’re willing to face the uncomfortable how many of us want to be uncomfortable
i i like all of that we’re in the age of technology in the age of information
which focuses on ease on
comfort zone comfort zone comfort zone and then we’re given these messages you’re supposed to be under your comfort zone that’s wrong so we’re giving these
we’re given these very mixed messages technology is supposed to make everything easier readiness requires
that we face being uncomfortable beautiful so readiness is not our
readiness is not our human default our human default is ease is to get more comfortable in in the the art of war lao
tzu says to destroy your enemy give him luxury and we focus so much on luxury and then
we we’re not we don’t understand why we’re unhappy and true i believe true luxury is the
adaptability to discomfort because that allows us to have
i believe happiness is this the and contentment and peace is this ability to navigate the
uncomfortable and the comfortable without our emotions being so dropped
and affected and even if they are there might be more of an awareness noticing our human experience and condition
for that to be okay you know and so i think a lot of this kind of comes into
i mean i personally see humans as we’re ready for comfort
in general you know because most of us have gone through a lot of suffering a lot of trauma a lot of like
oppressive you know various various uh subgroups of us have gone through you know who are listening and have gone
through different oppressive systems and we want safety and comfort and that is not a wrong thing to want but it it
can become the default because there’s just we’re exhausted
you know there’s so much we have built up so many things to have to adapt to on a daily basis the amount and they’ve
done studies i think it was in the book freakonomics where they talked about how much of our brain energy we need
to just be alive compared to hunter-gatherers it’s like
a thousand-fold just to wake up in our life right now it takes a
thousand-fold of the energy that like hunter-gatherers needed so just to exist not even to do anything
requires a huge amount of effort and energy in our bodies to constantly be adjusting to these
the shifting technology the overwhelm of this in the age of information and having to keep up you know plus dealing
with our stresses and our traumas and our you know so i think
i think the default is more to be comfortable and i think readiness
is this invitation into can we learn to adapt to discomfort and see it as a
an a supportive element a collaborative element in our lives rather than something to avoid
absolutely seems so obvious now that you you say it so well uh contentment is the greatest wealth you know um
and the only way to have really deeper and deeper levels of contentment is to know the reference point of yeah
non-comfort and it takes training to do this lots of training we don’t have much time
to go into that now i want to bring it back to the body though and that lydia points out about for readiness yeah
because the body is it’s not a liar like the mind is the mind really has no shame it will do and
say things and that the body won’t the the body it seems to
i’m going to interrupt you just for a second technology wise um my phone is going to run out of battery
and we’re going to be ending in a few minutes but for those of you who are listening on a wisdom app it might the conversation might suddenly cut off um
we’re coming to a conclusion but just so you know it’s uh that’ll be the reason so i just want to
you know put across all the platforms i’m super grateful for everyone listening and we’re going to keep i want to hear your thought but i just wanted
to put that little disclaimer out
you just went mute i can’t hear you no that’s pretty much it the body you know is
it’s overlooked so much in our society today and that’s one of the more reasons why lydia’s work is so valuable um
because you know we’ve talked so much about how valuable the body is especially in this readiness thing
um it’s not going to lie to us the way yeah and i want to i want to just
less distortion to you yeah dude i am starting a three-month group
coaching program on sunday and it is called radical authenticity
i’ve been talking about it for a few weeks now and it’s there’s an invitation into readiness for
any of you who want to come into a place of really truly tuning into what it means to be radically authentic in your
lives and it’s a three-month group program where it’s going to be focused on the co-regulation community aspect of
developing relationship as we learn through personal growth so much of it is about developing a
relationship with yourself through somatic awareness being in your body being in relation to your environment in
the present moment so that you can come into with greater ease and cultivation of skills
being able to have deep trust deep self-trust deep confidence in making decisions moving forward in your life
and developing emotional intelligence to have be able to cultivate boundaries in relationships that enables
a growth rather than a fear where you’re able to understand that conflict isn’t something to be afraid of it’s an
opportunity for for connection so it’s it’s you know if you want to find out
more you can click any of the links on any of these platforms
my link it’s link tree forward slash joyful nomad and
if you want to follow and then i want to let you speak too um i’m joyful nomad on
instagram and i believe the same on insight timer but you’re free to you know leave messages
on anywhere we’ve talked today to reach out to any of us who’ve spoken joanne josh or
myself for any more questions for finding out about any of the services we offer because i’m i also do private like
one-on-one embodiment coaching and i have you know a website of resources and then i’m also
going on live and doing free content like this pretty regularly on wisdom app and insight timer
cool thanks tony and just what are the platforms the link they want you to say the links in the bio which i’ll give you
a little preview integrating presence for um for all that and we maybe this
will be a topic for next time anna um i have a question please um
you talked about self-confidence my son is 18 and struggles with this a lot how
can i help him so that’s another topic for another day i think unless lydia wants to address that real quick i i’m
going to defer that to another time i mean my first thought would be why do you feel it’s necessary
you know when when it comes to and it’s not necessarily about your child specifically in the context because i don’t know the whole context behind that
question but when i want someone else to change what is it bothering in me
is there any reason why it would be not okay for you that he doesn’t have
the level of confidence that you think he should have or you’re perceiving him wanting
you know and a lot of times and again i don’t know the whole context and i don’t have kids so i’m not responding as a
parent myself i’m more responding as i have had anxiety over people that i care about getting to a certain point
and wanting their timeline to be almost faster than what i might think i could do in
that situation if it was me you know and so when i notice i’m worried about someone especially if they’re in a place
of struggle i have to come into myself and ask what is that stirring within me that i can
work with is there an anxiety because i don’t trust their process is there an anxiety
because i don’t trust that they have the tools and resources available to them because if i don’t trust their process that’s not their
issue that’s mine if if i notice they don’t necessarily maybe have the resources or tools and
they’re they’re actually looking for it so it’s not unsolicited advice from my end
then i can be a supporter of doing that as long as there’s a consent for them
that that’s okay you know and so you know when it comes to people
we care about and wanting to support them especially when they’re struggling because i’ve gone through a lot of struggle in my life and people have
wanted to support me and what i wanted the greatest support from was their belief in me
not them trying to fix a situation not them trying to figure out something they would do and telling me
because most of us are very intelligent people and unsolicited advice feels like lack of trust even though
it’s maybe not you know we think it’s coming from a good place but if you’re giving advice to someone they’re not asking for and i speak to myself like
why why can’t you sit with their discomfort you know
um so again that’s a whole other conversation for a whole other day i
none of it was meant to kind of be critical in any way because i i am not a parent i am a daughter
and i speak i was speaking more from personal experience of like some of the hard questions i’ve asked myself
uh which may or may not apply to your situation you know because i don’t know the whole context so i’ll take that back
i’ll add something real quick um what lydia just said far outweighs what i’m going to say because it’s just kind of a
little tangent from personal experience because that’s right and i had to learn the hard way of unsolicited advice right because
that oh it bit me in the i keep learning the hard way yeah i keep dishing out unsolicited
that’s why we have platforms like this where you know it’s just kind of in general and then people can ask questions right it’s not me going oh hey
you know what you really need on the street you know here’s what you you know yeah the um but so this i actually
struggled with this and it was found out years later it was my reference points for confidence you know i really didn’t
have a role model to where i could show what real confidence was any any display of confidence i was seeing it was like a
really conflated ego was actually conceit so what i was confusing conceit for
self-confidence completely different things and i was confusing them for the same thing
and so i just didn’t know at the time so i thought i don’t want to be self-confident because everyone that shows confidence around me is
complete arrogant this and that you know so-and-so
yeah and i really like that the point that you just brought up because i also want to say like
specifically related to like confidence um can i embody
a lot of times i want to like tell someone i’ve wanted to like tell a family member to do something but i
haven’t even done it myself i haven’t embodied it i haven’t been living it so i’m like you should eat healthier that’s
going to help your blah blah blah but if i’m not eating healthier who am i to tell them something that i’m not even
doing myself again i’m not saying this about that question but in sometimes when we want to support
someone we have like where we have information we want to give them
but if we actually maybe have a similar issue then the invitation could be can i work
on my own confidence what does that look like within myself can i embody that to be a living example like you said
of that so they have something to see in that because we we tend to really emulate the community around us
so can we rise with each other by all rising individually to support the rise of each
of of the community you know and the tribe however big or small it is
you know encouragement yes and also you know even if that like
lydia said we have to embody it and know it for ourselves and even if we really want to uh give somebody some advice and
we know it from personal experience can we spend even just a little bit longer to um see if if to keep verifying it to
make sure the same advice we want to give to another can we give it to ourselves even more a little bit more
even you know use that as an opportunity yeah and it you know left us ourselves it comes into that you know question of
like what are we focusing on like if i don’t let’s say i didn’t have confidence am i focusing on the worry of what all
the problems of not having confidence or can i instead focus on cultivating trust in myself if someone i love doesn’t have
confidence and they’re struggling with it and maybe they’ve even reached out to me about it
can i am i worried for them or can i cultivate trust in them
yep what am i focusing on because we are all all humans on some level are
empathetic like we can tune in unless you know you’re a psychopath or whatever diagnosed different you know in that
sense which is a smaller percentage of our population but in in the general population we all
read communication over 95 is nonverbal not verbal so it
almost doesn’t matter what we say to each other it matters how we’re being with each
other so we can come to a conversation and i can be worried about what you’re worried about but is that helping
can i come into a place of being okay with the discomfort of what you’re going through while actually having having
cultivated not inside in that situation but i can i come to the situation with a
cultivated sense of trust in your ability as a human to have a brilliant life and your inner wisdom
for you to figure that out and i’ll support you in any way i can based on what’s going to
show up naturally for me and what you’re asking me to support you and specifically you know
so again what are we focusing on can can really help to understand am i
focusing on all the problems if that person is blah blah blah or can i actually focus
on how amazing that person is and how capable they are of figuring this out and of course i’m going to be a
supportive element in their journey negativity bias is a huge thing once we
can really wrap our heads around that and see how um such a strong pull negativity bias has it’s a big deal and
then that’s right worry is based on fear right and but um
um care i mean i think worry i think is lack of trust
yeah which is you know because we tend to we tend to throw out fear a lot but like what is fear
i think in some levels like indicate for me for me i i have done a lot of worrying in my life i’m a professional
warrior and it ha it has had to do with myself of a lot of
not having connection to my self-trust or the trust of the flow of life or the trust of support of my community or
whatever and i mean i think a lot of that has come from moving through trauma and not knowing
and my body being in a more protective defensive space in my life you know um
but as i’ve come into kind of these somatic practices and embodiment that i now facilitate for other people
part of it is this willingness to i don’t even like to say go face the
unknown i like to say face potential because to me that’s a much more
empowering concept and word than unknown unknown feels scary but what if we replaced unknown with potential because
the unknown is full of potential and i associate potential positive
so when i think of what am i worried about i notice my framing my cognitive framing
is going certain directions based on like my old protective patterns if i was to have courage and readiness to notice
what else is possible what if i just shifted some of these concepts and words to be empowering rather than defeating
how would my perspective change in this situation beautiful because sometimes it’s just the question we’re asking or
the words we’re using that determine our belief what if we simply started shifting the
words for the purpose of empowerment rather than defeat yes our perspective most
likely would start shifting in big ways and we wouldn’t have to do a lot of it’s a game changer
yeah yeah and worries of fantasy anyway you know worry is a fantasy it’s not happening right if you i mean possibly
but would you say worry is a fantasy for people in ukraine right now i don’t know see that’s that’s another
thing i mean like um i think that that’s really in context of of certain lives you know what i mean
like worry is a worry could be a fantasy but
i think there’s a lot i think worry is also a just like fear is a justified emotion to keep us safe now that’s
different it’s it’s necessary worry if you’re it’s so so i like to instead of worry care right
i care about this i don’t have to be concerned at all i um you don’t have to
be concerned about anything because concern actually actually let me reframe that uh
concern is based on on fear and but care is based on thoughtfulness
right so we don’t have to be concerned about anything whatsoever we can care very deeply and not have any concern for
it i think the reason i got defensive maybe was i getting
defensive why i wanted to disagree with you right away because i believe as soon as we put a judgment on an emotion we
invalidate our experience of it and if we as soon as we invalidate our experience it’s a motion we shouldn’t
have if if i judge worry then all of a sudden it’s an emotion i shouldn’t have and then all of a sudden
it’s another reason to judge my experience rather to than to get curious about it oh totally and that’s judging worry
judging worry as it’s only a fantasy immediately invalidates all the times i’ve had worry and shuts me down into
feelings of maybe shame or guilt or self-criticism rather than saying what
if there was wisdom behind worry because it holds hands with fear and
fear is a protective emotion that has allowed our human society to stay alive to this point
our human species rather right so what their what is the wisdom and worry that i can learn from so that i
can let go of the identification with it and i apologize uh it did come off like a um a judgment but
i meant to um and not everybody’s really ready to hear that fear is a fantasy so
it’s um and it’s the worst kind because i could be fantasizing about all kinds of
a lot better things i think that’s what it’s not an invalidation it’s um but i don’t think fear is a fantasy i very
much very strongly disagree with that statement as well i’m not saying i’m sorry worry
you’re my i’m doing word salad here’s a little bit uh so yeah it’s it’s um
worry is the fantasy i’m sorry and it’s not it’s not to invalidate that or say
we can’t it’s wrong for feeling worry it’s a recognition and once it’s seen
and known in that light it’s to break that um kind of
enchantment with it because i know i’ve been i’ve worried a lot too
i guess it rubbed off a lot for my mother actually and not to blame her and that sounds like an invalidation and judgment from her but it’s just
conditioning right we we think that that’s some people feel that they show care um
are our concern if they worry so if they’re not worrying that means they don’t give a well that’s excuse my
french but that’s not the case right we can care very deeply without being concerned about something
right without really worrying yeah and you know that i mean i feel very
strongly in disagreement of the statement where he is a fantasy because again
if someone told me that when i was in a state of worry that would almost feel like gaslighting like you’re not allowed to have a human
experience right now oh no it’s not
what would happen if we reframed it in that sense of like worries one of our human emotions we can very quickly and
easily someone who has done a lot of worry use it to fantasize and going to
into much like unhealthy rumination as a form of self-sabotage we can use worry for
self-sabotage i think the the first like instinct for worry is care of the
tribe survival you know if we think about it biologically or evolutionary evolutionarily worry was the is is a
mobilizer towards action if used appropriately you know like wait where is that person
are they ostracized from the tribe we need to go find them so they go they don’t get eaten by a lion so there is that initial instinctive
concern that comes from a place that’s good many of us
due to various conditioning of our nervous system usually a place of dysregulation we then continue the
process and then get stuck in the in the wallowing of worry which then 100 percent turns into a
fantasy like i think worry can lead to fantasy but the our initial instinct is biological
and that’s again we’re probably on the same we might be on the same page about that you know because it holds with care and concern
you know it’s that biological concern but then yeah to justify well if i didn’t worry then i wouldn’t
be caring about you that’s a justification for a blind spot maybe that’s kind of self-sabotaging
you know possibly depending on the situation and i would say just tune into our body and notice how worry feels versus care
so yes and i totally agree lydia that’s like yes sometimes it’s necessary when the
whatever’s happened in the past you know it’s not so yeah it can have it can’t have um benefits but if we’re not
running for our lives or fighting for our lives we’re safe and well i don’t know this is we talked about this before
with with lydia’s german but you know feel into care versus worry in the body
too right so how does it feel to worry and then how does it feel to care
um you know so that’s it i mean i think
validation so that’s not that wasn’t my intent although maybe it had an outcome uh that way but yeah just like like i
say feel into it yeah and i think that we’ve now kind of digressed into another topic of
conversation so probably this is this is a good place to yes we were going to wrap it up a half
an hour ago back to come back to readiness and caring um
and willing to prepare runs here so thanks everybody for joining thanks for the question as well
and for any of you any of you listening on insight timer i’m going to be coming up live on friday
probably around 10 a.m mountain standard time and we’re going to be talking about i’m creating the event as soon as this
finishes on um our shadow selves emotion and accountability
so that’s going to be the next topic i present on insight timer on friday
right do you have any lives i did and i spammed lydia’s um group with my lives coming up so you can
check out oh yeah okay so josh hosted his upcoming lives in my group on insight timer embodied living so you can
go check that out too so i’ve got one on not associating with fools on the april fool’s day and then i’ve got one on
being ghosted ignored and using that as christ for um yeah
for more positive things and then help me out lydia i’ve got one other one coming up but it’s okay you’ll you’ll
find them on the profile we’ve gone on long enough here yeah in the group body living
yep all right may you all be awesome joining in live or on the replay where oh we
always welcome questions during our lives or after you can reach us on any of the platforms we’ve spoken to
and thank you for listening in bye bye
Integrating Presence 
11 thoughts on “Readiness | (3/29/2022 — “Ask Us Anything – LIVE” With Lydia Grace And Joanne Muir)”