I recently received some questions spurred by a comment I made during a book club meeting where we’re now reading “Whatever Arises Love That.” I mentioned how earlier in the day I had shared with some loved ones about empathing a very specific pain of another loved one resulting in an unexpected backfire, and how after reading a passage at the book club, I became aware of my unconsciousness at the time of sharing with loved ones not realizing I was feeling victimized by their responses. More context in my response below.
Hey Josh, when you mentioned the empathic knowledge of someone else’s pain, and then you mentioning it to them and them turning it back on you, what do you think is the lesson here? I’ve done the same thing and have had emotions ranging from wanting to find my tribe or people who “get it” so I can say whatever I want without worrying about being different to feelings of unacceptance so trying to love myself more…just curious your take on it.
I also heard from a past life reader that if I feel it strongly in me as well it’s because I have the same unhealed energy in me which is why I could feel it…but I’m not sure as when I worked with people feeling what they feel was one of the main ways I received messages. But maybe me and my clients at the time were all working through the same stuff…
My (slightly edited) response, in a somewhat reversed/mixed order:
If I’m remembering right, Matt Kahn has said what we notice in others is what we’ve already addressed in ourselves. I feel this is along the same lines albeit a much more skillful and wise view than the kind of blaming of not yet good enough or healed enough.
And I was already contemplating earlier about mentioning such an empathic response and being met with what I was met with. I wonder how much of me mentioning this was my own cry for love and innerstanding — which can only likely come from myself in the amount and way I need and want — and how much was motivated from spiritual ego.
I don’t feel they turned their back on me, but I said what I did without intuiting that maybe such a thing was intimidating to them and was met with an inverted, fear based version of care although they were doing the best they could. If they could have done better they would have.
Perhaps also applicable is the analogy Matt gives: you wouldn’t call a third grader stupid for not knowing calculus. Plus, if it could have happened any other way it would have. . . And I’m still contemplating: what weakness is this helping me strengthen?
And yes, I too have had longing for finding such a mutually resonant tribe for similar reasons. And I’ve found these folks here and there. I’m noticing more and more during this transition period where we all are kind of being put into various jurisdictions of sorts with certain types of folks. What Randi Green calls a subdividing, or an emplacement. (There’s more important points to make about this that I’m not conveying.) She mentions this again in her new video (which is really mostly just an update on how she plans to go forward with her work). It’s detailed more in other videos and in The HAL Philosophy book.
As you know, worry is the worst kind of fantasy. We can care without being concerned. Care is thoughtful. Concern is fear.
When I first started waking up and embarking on a type of healing journey I felt I couldn’t really talk to anybody about this stuff and so it was very lonely for awhile, even with some bouts of paranoia. But, as is more times the case than not, some friendships grew apart, allowing more resonant and aligned friendships to emerge.
Even right before the book club I met a young Christian pastor who was expounding new perceptions; new methods of congregating; and new ways of being that I felt very unlikely to emerge from and within Christianity in my lifetime. It all seemed very natural and easy yet somehow surreal at the same time.
I’m also holding back less and less, and trust what happens is what needs to happen. I don’t feel this way is for everybody, and sometimes this comes back and bites me in the ass. Although there are still plenty of times I know I’d be wasting energy for all parties involved so I don’t engage much. On the other hand sometimes I push it (and push it and push it).
Auspicious timing, btw, as I’ve been piecing together notes for an article I’m working on with a similar angle with the working title of “Dharmic Strategies For Empaths”
And naturally, as of now, the bottle line: love is the only answer, and we all deserve more love not less