The billing for this November 3, 2023 Insight Timer live event “Rethinking Rejection” in the less than ideal recording environment of the windy English countryside:
Are there any causes and upsides to rejection? What are skillful ways to view, approach, be with, relate to, practice with and respond to rejection? What can rejection teach us? Join this 15 minute or so exploration to learn and even contribute to the wisdom of something we’ve all experienced
Audio: Rethinking Rejection
Or listen via Insight Timer (app or website)
The raw unedited YouTube transcription of this podcast:
so today’s event is titled rethinking
rejection I’m just going to read the
description here real quick are there
any causes and upsides to rejection what
are skillful ways to view approach be
with relate to practice with and respond
to rejection what can rejection teach us
join this 15 minute or so exploration
explor easy for me to say exploration to
learn and even contribute to the wisdom
of something we’ve all
experienced
okay
so you know from it’s easy in retrospect
to look at this and I’m going to
fortunately or unfortunately look at
this in the light of kind of
relationships and by in particular I
mean romantic relationships so since I’m
engaged now uh it’s a little bit easier
for me to look back at this part of my
life and of course it’ll expand into
other things Beyond just this
but first off what is rejection I mean I
think it’s pretty clear what we mean by
this right it’s something we want and
then it’s something we don’t get so for
me rejection
um well this is a heart thing right I
mean of course there’s plenty of a
wisdom to apply to this but when it’s
something we really want and then reject
it it really affects the heart and what
I found the
most helpful learning process of this is
I was going after relationships for the
wrong reason you
know um and Al so no wonder I was
rejected and kind of the best
relationship advice I ever got was if it
was meant to happen it’ll happen if it
wasn’t meant to be it won’t you know
just as simple as that
so what does everybody recall a time and
how painful it feels to get rejected you
know to really go after someone you find
interesting and then all the different
games that are played and just you know
not having that person um pay any
attention or interest to you and
yeah it’s
um it’s quite something in the heart
right um so much so to the fact that uh
I know in my experience it prevented me
from approaching anyone you know because
I was so afraid of being rejected by
someone you know like I had to have
acceptance all the time if I couldn’t
get it then then why even bother why
even bother doing this and some of those
of us who experienced loss you know a
lot of times it’s it’s um it’s more
painful to experience loss again so just
stay in loss so I don’t have to
experience loss
again and the let’s see Sheila says
rejection hurts to our core Aon says
compounded by losing loved
ones yeah it’s uh something else so so
then maybe we develop unhealthy
strategies for being rejected right like
withdraw give
up you know um get jaded with the world
you know everything sucks everybody
sucks I suck you know why bother
this is a really complicated issue I
mean it’s not really simple either I
mean it can lead to some really good
things like some people they get
disillusioned with this Romanticism
which I don’t find all that helpful you
know uh in the relationship I have now
what I found the most helpful is yes
there’s a romantic lover element of it
but unfortunately that’s all I was
looking for in a relationship and that’s
not a relationship that’s a that’s going
after a lover and so there’s elements of
that in a relationship there’s also
friendship and if that core friendship
isn’t there then you know it’s it’s
built on Shaky Ground but even more
important is this partnership so when
there’s a kind of a collaborative effort
and doing the same things in life get up
and work together towards common
goals Aon says after losing my most
important people to aggressive cancers
my heart can’t handle rejection or
opening to the possibility of rejection
and Aaron that’s okay you know it it’s
okay to
withdraw at least how I see it when
things are really
tough it’s okay not to have to face
rejection at all you know and this leads
to the next Point um is that are we
rejecting ourselves so that’s one thing
that we can really really really uh
explore because no matter
you know whether we accept ourselves or
not we have to be with ourselves more
than anyone else does right so this is
something really to look into you know
and I think the first part of that is
honesty you know really being honest
about how things are with our own
relationship with ourselves and knowing
that it’s okay not to be okay all the
time and you know even just admitting to
myself that I hate myself
sometimes you know or some part of my
journey
and yeah so now the sun’s coming out
we’ve got with rejection we’ve got dark
clouds over here but we’ve got the sun
coming out and we got more clear skies
over here so that is the good news about
this because through polarity right
polarity whatever however extreme of
rejection we feel or we um experience
with ourselves and with others that
means the exact opposite of acceptance
comes up and will be there now I don’t
know about the
timing um but eventually it’s it’s going
to change it has to it can’t all just be
stuck on oneide the whole time so now um
after going through years of that um
feeling that on the the inside now I’ve
got um you know people contacting me
from you know humble brags here right
and I have to turn away people and you
know and but also get in really
interesting conversations find real true
meaningful friends or at least things to
share really
heartfelt um and just things interested
and I know for the masculine we tend to
bond around um topics that we you know
find in common you know and for the
feminine I suppose that you know the
relationships are even more important
but also more challenging too um
especially with family and friends and
all the pressure on the feminine to care
for everyone except for themselves
basically they’re the last of the
line so Sheila says what feels like
protecting myself could be rejecting
myself you know this is another thing
where it comes in for discernment right
I
feel because and sometimes we do need to
shut down and protect ourselves and
withdraw and go into self-care however
if that becomes a habit all the time and
our default in where we lead with then
you know um at least for me this
armoring can come over us and then yeah
you know vulnerability this is the um
sometimes it’s not pleasant but this is
what allows us to connect on deeper and
deeper levels it just takes the
discernment to know when is it an
appropriate time to to open up and be
more vulnerable and when when isn’t and
we meet ourselves where we’re at and
that’s exactly where we start you know
we all start from exactly where we are
and there’ll be ups and downs as we all
know so what other challenges have
people come into around this perception
of rejection you
know what do we find really important in
accepting how do we accept others you
know um then it can turn into this game
and I’ve seen this to this victim
victimizer programming or this what’s
known as kind of
villain
um victim and hero programming
right so this notion that I’m being
victimized by rejection but then my time
will come when I will reject them you
know this getting back and then this
Loop of being a victim and then a victim
ier um so I doubt too many people here
are into that program hopefully or you
know but I’m sure we’ve seen a lot of
this uh in the world that we interact
with not getting a job I really wanted
and then seeing another colleague get it
says Karen yes and I’ve been out of the
corporate Workforce for quite some time
now and I mean just real briefly
here um I had a big chip on my shoulder
you know I the things I were doing in my
job I could see where I wasn’t cut out
to climb the corporate ladder you know
nothing that there’s wrong with that and
I mean there’s a great deal of success
in that but I knew that wasn’t going to
make me happy ultimately but then I got
real bitter about it and I was like oh I
should be doing something better than
the position I have um but which is
which is okay because that can help us
better ourselves right but it was my
behavior and how I acted out around this
so
um instead of doing another healthy
Outlet this is before I got into all
this meditation stuff and and path of
Awakening you know but I can see that in
retrospect but to more specifically to
Karen’s
point you know um well Karen um
yeah I I think it’s just I just go let
Karen Express that I don’t I don’t
really need to to add anything to that
you know it feels bad enough the way it
is right
um let’s see Aon says having the last
two people uh I’ve been interested in
having beautiful younger women and
having babies with them and starting a
favor a family I’m sorry is very pain
painful I’m some uh I think somehow my I
think somehow my self rejection is
involved let me read that one more time
having the last two people I’ve been
interested have beautiful younger women
and having babies with them and starting
a family is very painful I think somehow
my my self-rejection is involved well
Ain I don’t know um but this is funny
you mentioned this because my fiance was
just mentioning this the other day how
you know um some some men go through
relationships with uh really Rocky
Relationships with women and what they
do is that the women are way more astute
on emotional things and they really
train the guy in all the crap they’re
doing basically you know and then he
ends up benefiting from that leaving the
um the gal he’s with that taught him all
that stuff and then he goes on to
younger women and then starts a family
with them and having employed the
lessons he learned but without giving
other credit to to to the the past
partner you you know and once she
pointed that out to me I was like wow
yeah that’s uh dudes come on you know
get get your stuff together that’s not
cool you know
um
yeah so just if that’s any consolation I
don’t know but you know this this notion
for the femin I find of worthiness you
know worthiness and
value um it’s a big one just like guys a
big one is honor and respect you know
that’s what a lot of guys are after as
far as I
see so self-rejection but even if
self-rejection is
involved involved are how much more will
one reject themselves for self-rejection
you know how much can just keep piling
on top of it and this goes into
forgiveness however forgiveness can’t be
forced you know it has to be authentic
and it’ll happen when it’s ready to
happen but for me when I learned I can
forgive myself you know and just Aspire
uh set of an aspiration that I’m worthy
of uh the best Partners out there you
know um and I think one of the other
things I heard is we’ll be with we’ll be
with one another until we need to learn
the lessons we need to learn from them
until we find the one we’re meant to be
with right so through that
experience you’ve learned all kinds of
and I’m no position to give relationship
advice here uh but that’s what I found
too you know that the the ones I were
chasing before this one I learned so
much and I wasn’t ready for the one yet
and so it’s it’s like a training that’s
one perception you know if that’s
helpful use that if if not I please
chime in here folks um Karen says yes
I’m trying not to act out what drew me
to this talk today yeah wow yeah K
on so I hope this will find some Solace
and some of those joining here the same
yes because acting out we know we know
where that leads to right it doesn’t
lead to anything good the nice thing is
we can work with the body to feel this
in the body and it’s a container where
it dissipates and can um you know
diffuse and really open our heart you
know and use it to to to open our heart
and use it for self-care um Aon says
sorry that uh doesn’t make sense I I
should have wrote that more clearly
exactly H I
lose your fiance Oh Yes sounds very wise
Oh indeed she is um very wise yeah
there’s some talks on insight timer with
her Aon that reminds me about my
situation with the job comparison and
jealousy oh yes so comparison is another
thing I mean if we’re going to compare
ourselves compare anything it’s
ourselves to ourselves right because if
I think I’m better than someone that’s
conceit I mean that’s obvious but if I
think I’m less than someone that’s
actually conceit too little me you know
inferior ego the most subtle kind is I’m
just as good as that one you know I’m
just as good as them that’s a subtle
form of kind of equality conceit so yes
we’re all equal and that we deserve love
and care and kindness um but when I
think I’m just as good as someone for
some reason that’s still conceit I feel
okay we’re all on our own path and
things happen for a reason Karen says
cause and effect right skillful actions
wise actions will have U their
corresponding consequences look for the
other doors of what you’re meant for Aon
yes exactly so when one door Clos that’s
it sounds so cliche but when one door
closes another one does open you know
and I’ve seen it my experience anyway um
just remember that polarity no matter
how gloomy it gets there’s just that
much opened up for how bright it will be
So eventually we can stay in the Still
Point in the midpoint and then see both
sides and kind of act and come from the
heart and wisdom all right guys well
it’s already past time thanks so much
for joining me today from the beautiful
this beautiful English Countryside
Integrating Presence 